Open Mic: All my life.. till now..

All My Life


When I was a child I grew up wild
had devil eyes, no angel on my side
didn't have control on my mind
doing everything blind
been to school but couldn't educate my self
teacher couldn't even help
they were to stupid to understand me
all they do is just command me
do this and that, if not then get punishment
I feel so piss, felt like I should jus finish them
where I grew up ppl were dieing to see a computer
these fool cheer to death if they see a helicopter
so I ditch this low standard place
move to new city find another bastard faces
little kids smoking cigarette
men n kids having sex, gettin wet
all porno scenes happening in public
felt like it was jus a curse to my optic
but it was realistic makes me feel sick
I wish wasn't not born to see this
so then I move to new country
My mind was still empty n hungry
for more knowledge, I enjoy my life here
but I start losing hair coz of cold air
it was my first time I see white skin
couldn't see gud in them, couldn't see light within
they can't talk or do any shit to me
even If they pick on me I'll make them piss a sea
things got interestin as I move to high school
learn using paint brush and wood working tool
sitting on stool for 6 hrs a day
my ass gets itchy it was hard to stay
so I rather skip class and go play
girls comes by to say hi, I say go away
to me they were jus distraction
all they do is dress sexy to get attraction
beside I was young and these girls were jus a mess
u can tell from there dress, impress 1 to hv sex
beside I was religious and there wasn't any appropriate one
place was full of bastard, fags, immature retarded morons
I kept my profile so low like no body knows me
I disappear from there faces if they come closely
never went to gradation and had no record on year book
then went to college life became more crook
my only activity was jus going to gym
pumpin muscles and shooting ball in rim
I was healthy but still have to go through neck operation
but after that I still have desperation
When I was in college that's when I made a girlfriend
a very decent and really caring till very end
her name is Micah and she jus had heart surgery
as soon she's healed me n her marry
this is the only person cares abt me 24hrs a day
n I'll do anything for her to help in any way
at same time I had other girl name vivian
bitch was only into money so I left her to oblivion (completely forgotten)
she never said to pay back
her age was same as mine but looks like old hag
now my girl is cure, her heart is clean and pure
i help the love one but then my life became poor
coz now I have gynecomastia that may cause tumor
its also known as bitch tits, sounds like some humor
but its no fun when your near death
n I don't want to lose my love till my last breath
and in life I didn't make enough friends
well I hv 1 best one but he spend
alot of money on steroid jus to get strong
but that’s wrong with side affect his life is gone
I try to convince him for hrs on phone
it didn't work he's hard headed stone
I don't know when I reach the death zone
my 1 wish would be not to die alone
jus want one happy moment with my love
and when the doctor put his latex glove
pick a blade and cut my skin on my chest
I hv 1 request to god, that I like to protest
when I'm healed, all I want is my love touch
jus say to her, that I love her so much


Edited by Rameez - 31 August 2009 at 8:42pm

I got about half way through before I couldn't take it anymore.

I like how you started out, though... I just don't have the tolerance needed to feed your pieces fairly. Sorry, man.

Stay up.

Yeah, wording and spelling have a lot to do with a successful Open Mic drop.

You definately put a lot of effort into this, but lacked the proper wording and spelling in a lot of areas.

Your concepts seem pretty good, as far as I can see.

"When I was a child I grew up wild
had devil eyes, no angel on my side
didn't have control on my mind
doing everything blind"

I really dug this... had potential to be dope if it was worded better.

Then there's spots where you weren't rhyming, e.g.:

"where I grew up ppl were dieing to see a computer
these fool cheer to death if they see a helicopter"

"all porno scenes happening in public" was another example of a concept that could've been nice if worded better.

"my ass gets itchy it was hard to stay" LMAO good shit!

"so I rather skip class and go play
girls comes by to say hi, I say go away" lol...

Anyway, yeah... there, I tried to give a bit more extensive feedback on what I meant about wording and shit... some good ideas, but need work on spelling and wording/phrasing. Your crew should be helping you out with this, but I guess they ain't lookin' out for you, man... That's a shame.

it was just a yes or no question.. didn't need to know your hopes and dreams..

ROFL

bitch tits?  damn