Another Day Gone
Printed From: Lyrical Assault
Category: Emcee Lounge
Forum Name: Open Mic
Forum Description: This isnt a Battle Board, this is for your Freestyle Verses to be Rated by other members.
URL: http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=16609
Printed Date: 27 March 2026 at 4:43am
Topic: Another Day Gone
Posted By: Freeda5thDawg
Subject: Another Day Gone
Date Posted: 18 November 2008 at 4:27pm
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probably too long for some...BUT OH WELL!!!...and if you don't get something...OH WELL!!!...hehe, any feedback is appreciated, and leave a link so i can return the favors...(waits for point's link)... Another day gone to a grey dawn I take on- - Another great song made wrong- - Rip the page off - Used to make bombs into napalms- - Traced all of my pain long for the aeons- - Lay harm on these fake dons in this game called rap... Fall back before I chainsaw and take all- -- Here to stay tall - Break walls that I face off... Till it pays off for a great cause- - They’ve laid laws where the fame cost more then they pay ya’ll- - Erased art as the heart fades in a faint pause- - I write to make mom understand what’s a man without pain- - Duckin’ land without grain- - Justice damns a child’s name - Stuck in cans and found faith- - But the plan will downgrade to dust and sand throughout graves- - Nuttin’ stands to crown fate - Somethin’ grand for proud gain- - Hundreds plan to shout praise - Just to ban the foul hate- - It’s such a damaged outrage to trust a man and doubt pain- - And once the lust expands...they buck a cannon out brains- - Plus the fam is now caged into this shell of misery- - Tough to rant about days within a tale that’s in streets- - Another kid deceased - Another missing piece... That would’ve fit in to complete the vision of this missing peace- - Every bit of me is sitting deep and breathing in this fist of weed- - Since it sits in me with sins I seem too sick to cease- - See me sick of these conditions I persist to be- - Bleeding is a need beneath the gift to spit this speech- - Listen, mister, please...It’s just a moment that I’m going through- - A poem that I’m flowing to and hope it will deform a booth- - Wrote in groups of multiples supposed to glue the broken truth- - Chosen to devote my youth to hold it for the Lord and you- - Grown to do much more than shoot a foe or move the stolen jewels- - More than screw a hoe or two - Born into a zone with few... With no pursuit to roll with crews - It’s common to a young mind... Problems fin to uprise - They’re locked into the drug grind- - Taught to get in gun crime - Shots persist, and one dies- - Mom begins to run, cry and drops to kiss her son’s eyes- - Rottin’ as the sun dries the blocks in which we run by- - Sobbin’ with our tongues tied to stop the shit we once rhymed- - It’s obvious the tough strive will block us from the sunshine- - Watchin’ shit rerun twice - Constant in the slum’s sight- - It’s robbin’ us from some life - Where dreaming isn’t dumb- - Where the bleeding doesn’t run from tearing deep until it’s numb- - Where a being won’t become a mere fiend into a bum- - Where believing isn’t crunched to bare the pieces and the crumbs- - I stare at Jesus in disgust - Of what these people made him- - With such deceitful paintings - The sums that equal tainted- - Destruction feeds the hatred that runs between our veins and... Corrupts our means of love and peace amongst the steeple’s pavement- - The puzzle reads a nation full of troubled needs and rages- - Crumbled into rubble - Underneath a patron- - Smother ink in pages to cover sheets with greatness- - Clutter pleas with other means to shutter each containment- - Another speech that claims this gutter seems to cage us- - Mother needs a hug because the love just seems to fade quick- - I’m struttin’ shameless till I stumbled when I bumped my knees in places... Where a bunch of G’s would bust a piece if someone sees a nameless- - Blunts of weed arranges another fiend to pay it- - As the gust of leaves and subtle breeze disrupts the peace they lay in... Above the streams in graves and...It’s hard to speak about it- - Darkness peaked and shrouded the carcass we allowed in- - I’m marching deep to pound this heart as weak as cowards... Part of me and clouded from the hardships Free amounted- - Announced it in our music - People laughed at it- - And the evil grasp added to the lethal past passing- - From regal acts cashing to the needles stabbed at us- - They reach for gats blasting where a feeble lad’s gasping- - Attacking what it is - When it could’ve been more- - But the good’ve been born in the hood and been torn- - And they’ve took us to war - Erased the dreams that we had- - Placed this heat in the path of wasted streets in the past- - My days were treated as glass in vases pieced with its cracks- - But now I lead in this draft - The name is freedom at last- - -------------  |
Replies:
Posted By: U.N.L.M.
Date Posted: 19 November 2008 at 4:45pm
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Yeah it was pretty long...Different parts gave me different vibes...There was this one part that I'm gonna quote(a very long quote) that i thought was really really dope..some great rhymes and flow through it all and a very tight message...This was a great piece as a whole but you really hit your high point in the middle of that piece with your flow, rhymes, and story/message... Listen, mister, please...It’s just a moment that I’m going through- - A poem that I’m flowing to and hope it will deform a booth- - Wrote in groups of multiples supposed to glue the broken truth- - Chosen to devote my youth to hold it for the Lord and you- - Grown to do much more than shoot a foe or move the stolen jewels- - More than screw a hoe or two - Born into a zone with few... With no pursuit to roll with crews - It’s common to a young mind... Problems fin to uprise - They’re locked into the drug grind- - Taught to get in gun crime - Shots persist, and one dies- - Mom begins to run, cry and drops to kiss her son’s eyes- - Rottin’ as the sun dries the blocks in which we run by- - Sobbin’ with our tongues tied to stop the shit we once rhymed- - It’s obvious the tough strive will block us from the sunshine- - Watchin’ shit rerun twice - Constant in the slum’s sight- - It’s robbin’ us from some life - Where dreaming isn’t dumb- - Where the bleeding doesn’t run from tearing deep until it’s numb- - Where a being won’t become a mere fiend into a bum- - Where believing isn’t crunched to bare the pieces and the crumbs- - I stare at Jesus in disgust - Of what these people made him- - With such deceitful paintings - The sums that equal tainted- - Destruction feeds the hatred that runs between our veins and... Corrupts our means of love and peace amongst the steeple’s pavement- - The puzzle reads a nation full of troubled needs and rages- - Crumbled into rubble - Underneath a patron- - Smother ink in pages to cover sheets with greatness- - Clutter pleas with other means to shutter each containment- - Another speech that claims this gutter seems to cage us- - Mother needs a hug because the love just seems to fade quick- - |
Posted By: Senor Perfecto
Date Posted: 19 November 2008 at 5:24pm
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¡Too many fucking multies, man...! It takes skill to sustain it for so long without losing meaning... A lot of areas stood out... Each multies rhymescheme was used very effectively and linked together with good transitional rhymes... The harshest criticism I can make is that the transition from one rhymescheme to the next could have been smoother... maybe with more subtle changes in rhyme... Or carry on what you do and I'll just carry on reading... Adios...  -------------  |
Posted By: Lucky D
Date Posted: 19 November 2008 at 10:35pm
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Classic drop Free,
One of tha reason you stay affected is your creativity in tha way you display your ryhmes.
well done
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Posted By: Matt The Ripper
Date Posted: 20 November 2008 at 9:23pm
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Love that entire beginning. "Another day gone to a grey dawn I take on- - Another great song made wrong- - Rip the page off - Used to make bombs into napalms- - Traced all of my pain long for the aeons- - Lay harm on these fake dons in this game called rap... Fall back before I chainsaw and take all- -- Here to stay tall - Break walls that I face off... Till it pays off for a great cause- - They’ve laid laws where the fame cost more then they pay ya’ll- - Erased art as the heart fades in a faint pause- - I write to make mom understand what’s a man without pain- -" This has been one of my favorite 5th pieces thus far, man. Props. ------------- Face it, I'm just too Rock N' Roll for you You aint ready for this, and now you know the truth |
Posted By: CHAIN
Date Posted: 21 November 2008 at 8:04am
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multi overload.....damn
Since it sits in me with sins I seem too sick to cease- -
See me sick of these conditions I persist to be- - Bleeding is a need beneath the gift to spit this speech- - Listen, mister, please... that's that "the way i am" flow, real nice....and u keep k.o-ing me with the flow,b
......you're #1 right now, whoever disagrees is frontin' ....tell 'em i said that
nowwwww....fuck all that fan shit, i'll try to give u some real feedback: u seriously need to make these pieces shorter, lol...and dumb it down, this shit is too dense, its too much, lol
keep droppin' ....~1
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Posted By: teken8996
Date Posted: 21 November 2008 at 5:02pm
| man i swear freeda everytime i feel down i just come here and look at drops n read a few lines of each verse and stop... i swear everytime i run into ur drop i just done stop i finish reading the whole thing b4 i move on i would rate u one of the best lyricist i know |
Posted By: Freeda5thDawg
Date Posted: 23 November 2008 at 4:10pm
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unlm, thanks for the long quote, hehe... senor...lol, i getcha...i see what you're saying too...most definitely will work on that... lucky, always appreciated... mat, glad you feel that way...and yeah, i really do like reciting that beginning on the beat... chain...NEVERRRR!!! lmao...i could try...i mean, it's mostly due to these type of topics that make me write longer pieces...but i will neverrrr dumb it down, lol... teken...i appreciate that...that's actually a strong statement, so i'm really glad my piece are having that effect on ya... thank you all for the feedback...i can never stop appreciating it... ------------- |