Illusion [KOTM]
Printed From: Lyrical Assault
Category: Emcee Lounge
Forum Name: Open Mic
Forum Description: This isnt a Battle Board, this is for your Freestyle Verses to be Rated by other members.
URL: http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=43986
Printed Date: 27 March 2026 at 4:43am
Topic: Illusion [KOTM]
Posted By: Sammy
Subject: Illusion [KOTM]
Date Posted: 09 November 2016 at 4:57pm
 "Illusion" On one hand It's a vast expanse. Happy eyes fixated, like some massive trance A sigh of relief. Defying defeat - roots re-established? with a clasping of hands? On the other, A disjointed dystopia. Portrait of a single phobia Death’s brush bolstering the cerulean sky Reddish hue became the lesser’s tune; Perhaps the views in their eyes? Right and wrong’s drawn in delicate strokes Pastel paintings Sketches of excellence and trails of hope Yet, contingent on perspectives Right and wrong is suffering a delicate stroke The past tells; Painting sketchy, pixelated entrails of hope Over the hill, the sound of the trumpet was heard While victory for some, In a civil war, the single victim is earth. A torch is pass Whether to light the dark or scorch it's denizens first. Only time will tell... -------------  |
Replies:
Posted By: Crimson Juice
Date Posted: 10 November 2016 at 8:50am
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Nice piece here Sammy very poetic on reading,liked how you made this a war based theme with the serenity then the destruction,whilst mother Earth pays the price and is the victim overall,the wording was exquisite and well expressed in this verse too,subtle and direct which went hand in hand well here,your offering displayed a scenario like a coin,which has two sides also,i like to read your pieces as they are quirky and expressive,and this verse was no different,I enjoyed this in its entirety,a real good read on the whole,and a strong contender I feel for KOTM,thanks for the read here,it was ripe..peace. ------------- "You need to learn how to make an exit, before you can dare make an entrance". |
Posted By: Sammy
Date Posted: 10 November 2016 at 10:18pm
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thanks alot crimsons. always a joy reading ur feedback. you were pretty spot on most the way through and i can see why you'd say the main theme was mother earth due to my poor choice of word selection. the verse was actually about the election. the last stanza alluded to it, albeit, subtly. but u've perfectly picked up on dichotomous aspect of the verse. shows that you've really read the verse. thanks again, sir.
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Posted By: alicewonder
Date Posted: 10 November 2016 at 10:55pm
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First off, glad to see you participating! You took a rather creative and original approach with this one (which is not surprising). To be fair, I just read your explanation upon seeing Crim's interpretation. And I interpreted this also in a different way, believing that this was more about current societal structures and the obvious, widening division of it. But the allusions, especially in your last segment, is actually pretty clear. I think this is beautifully written in that sense, and I really enjoyed the technical details, such as the alliterations and metaphorical references. There were a lot of highlights here, I loved the 'disjointed dystopia' bit as well as the 'entrails of hope' and the 'cerulean sky'. You displayed incredible word choices, as I felt, particularly in those bits. Thanks for sharing.
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Posted By: CHAIN
Date Posted: 13 November 2016 at 3:25pm
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A master @ work. I'm not sure whether I'm interpreting everything correctly or not, but that's what it makes iller in a way. The rhyme pattern of the opening was on point and the dystopia stanza was crazy. I wrote my submission before reading yours 'cause I didn't want to be inspired by your lines. I knew you would deliver.  ------------- |
Posted By: Endeavor
Date Posted: 14 November 2016 at 7:15pm
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So... I read this and thought that this is different. It's kind of reminiscent as to how Neek wrote before he departed just to never be seen again. With that being said, I liked it. It's short, hold a buttload of information. I really believe the highlight of this is the third verse. It had a nice little throwback to your previous pic in the way it's structured. If my eyes don't fool me a very clever hidden callback to: 1) Keep the flow bouncy and 2) To allow a peripheral perspective. See what I did there? If you didn't tell me the last verse was about the election I'd be with Crim on the momma Earth bandwagon. It was probably intentional (I'm slow and shit) but Trump was hidden very well there. If it wasn't intentional, you did a damn good job making it seem like one. You chose "the" instead of "a" basically saying there is only one. My head hurts now. Thanks.
------------- #Bananas  |
Posted By: Rutter knows best
Date Posted: 14 November 2016 at 10:07pm
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On one hand It's a vast expanse. Happy eyes fixated, like some massive trance A sigh of relief. Defying defeat - roots re-established? with a clasping of hands?Nice opening section, would've liked it to end on clasping hands to match the multi but still flows sweet On the other, A disjointed dystopia. Portrait of a single phobia Death’s brush bolstering the cerulean sky Reddish hue became the lesser’s tune; Perhaps the views in their eyes? Nicely put together, cool imagery. Right and wrong’s drawn in delicate strokes Pastel paintings Sketches of excellence and trails of hopeDopeness Yet, contingent on perspectives Right and wrong is suffering a delicate stroke The past tells; Painting sketchy, pixelated entrails of hopeDope mirroring of the first part bro Over the hill, the sound of the trumpet was heard While victory for some, In a civil war, the single victim is earth. Prob my favourite part here, the tie ins doe.. A torch is pass Whether to light the dark or scorch it's denizens first. Only time will tell... Great piece, great execution. The tone throughout was strong, imagery on point. I enjoyed this read, it was left open enough to interpretation which was nice while i personally loved the election vibes it was giving off. I hadn't read this before i wrote mine, i think we went in a similar direction in our own ways. Strong contender as everyone has said. Keep up the good work. Always love reading your feedback as well dude i cant do it justice. ------------- #bananas 
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Posted By: Lord Puente
Date Posted: 16 November 2016 at 11:26pm
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this was a super dope drop too, this is my second favorite! this part was super fire, hands down my favorite part. "A disjointed dystopia. Portrait of a single phobia Death’s brush bolstering the cerulean sky Reddish hue became the lesser’s tune; Perhaps the views in their eyes? " the scheme the vocab, just everything on this whole section was crack. you and chain were close, but ima edge him up a bit. this was a solid ass verse. ive been asleep on you as an artist, time for research! great job man, hot shit! -------------  |
Posted By: SELF ACTIVATE
Date Posted: 18 November 2016 at 12:06am
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Bro... Is this even a topical? lol. No, seriously. I read your pieces and it's like reading fine literature...that just so happens to fuckin flow! It's just crazy to me. I mean, the way you put this piece together was like a fusion of spoken word intertwined with new age philosophy. On the surface it's impressive...it's rhythm and it's pacing... but digging deeper it's even more impressive as it offers much nutritious content to digest and breakdown. Coded, but potent in your approach to the topic. Technique-wise, this was just dope. Especially, your word selection and placement. I've literally read this piece multiple times already and with each read I find something new to appreciate. Really strong submission, fam! Props... |
Posted By: Sammy
Date Posted: 18 November 2016 at 12:31am
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thanks everyone. ur all beautiful people. no homo ------------- |
Posted By: spume corrupt
Date Posted: 21 November 2016 at 8:51pm
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Just working my way thru this months entries, So many cool reads Really seeing how versatile LA Is with the Range this month This was dope bruv, never seen your stuff before...been on a years vacation.... I won't lie though bruv....it's like you say cerulean and I say blue! Don't mean I can't appreciate a dope rhyme scheme.... opening four just blew me away and set the scene for an extremely enjoyable read But let me do me for a minute bro and be real to me, i see people dig but for me lines like (Pixelated entrails of hope) is lost..? @wtf Please don't think me ignoramus fam, I mean no offence Respect -------------  |
Posted By: spume corrupt
Date Posted: 21 November 2016 at 10:02pm
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The single victim is earth Lines like this really resonate though Maybe I need to learn to look deeper!! As it stands Sam, am a surface dwelling battle writer This reads better every time You cats got me in a transitional frame of mind .... That's no bad thing so big ups from me ------------- |
Posted By: Sammy
Date Posted: 21 November 2016 at 11:39pm
no offense taken at all bro! really appreciate the honesty, honestly ------------- |
spume corrupt wrote: