Open Mic: ....The Broken Maiden.....

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    Posted: 08 February 2014 at 11:39pm
....She's lost....
So carried away in the agony of howling winds.
Gazed Upon by the fallen with a Scowling Grin.
Shes Flustered & unhinged by whats foul Within.
Giving her friends the slip, leaving her pals to sin.
....So she kneels...
Praying for a moment of relief, in this time of Grief.
Hearing hatred since at first sight, love can be Brief.
Her senses betray her ways only to overwhelm her.
Satisfaction is self Served with Alcohol as her Helper.
..She's Her own Worst enemy...
steals the attention of anyone near like Befriending thieves.
Its always her fears but never her heart that she's lending me.
The faith she once had, has gone mad. her anger she's setting free.
these actions? no second thought, she's never seen fretting these.
....So i'll Wait...
If forever it takes, I'm Patience you see, for Angels Endure.
Slowly looking up for her godly grace, she's Angled For More.
She's Letting go of past hurts, She's Wrangled the Source, 
To amend all thats broken & whats left her mangled and tore.
...Redemption's Embrace..
Cleansed of all her wrong doings. She's Holding her head high.
Choosing the Shepard letting her regets fly where the dead lie.
A heavenly glow she heavily shows, as she smiles and Treads by.
She finds solace in her old Face, 
on a death bed reminiscin on a wretch who had a blessed life.














Edited by INK. - 09 February 2014 at 12:24am
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote TURTLE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 February 2014 at 11:47pm
This was pretty smooth INK. Nice vocab and imagery man.
You're opener sucked me in.

So carried way in the agony of howling winds.
Gazed Upon by the fallen with a Scowling Grin.
Shes Flustered & unhinged by whats foul Within.
Giving her friends the slip, leaving her pals to sin.

Very nice dude!!!
                     
''STYLEZ''
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Rude Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 February 2014 at 12:22am
beautifully written piece you have here, Ink. 


The imagery, and vocab were on point, and you are one of the first writers I've read
pieces from that can jump back and forth between multis and no multis without losing
pace or flow, I commend you for that because in comparison I feel obligated to using
mutlis, like if I get to a point where the multi can't continue I scrap the idea and change
the bar, where as reading yours I don't feel like you had to sacrifice anything and it still
comes off poetic and unforced which is rare.

I was particularly moved by this section here : 

If forever it takes, I'm Patience you see, for Angels Endure.
Slowly looking up for her godly grace, she's Angled For More.
She's Letting go of past hurts, She's Wrangled the Source, 
To amend all thats broken & whats left her mangled and tore.


idk if there's any kind of OM of the month or Golden Scripts or w/e here
but I would vouch for this and vote for it tbh.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote INK. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 February 2014 at 12:25am
thank you turtle and rude.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote AshleyKaos Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 February 2014 at 1:31am
This was very relatable and it was beautiful. I liked it alot and yes comforting it is a bit .
NUMBER 1 FEMALE MC TILL THE DEATH OF ME
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Brotha Goose Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 February 2014 at 2:13am
Thats whats up INK...poetic greatness mixed with hip hop swag
you killed this piece bro!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote H4ZE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 February 2014 at 2:57am
I thought this was pure dopeness this whole thing was awesome. Straight fire through out the whole piece. Flow was on point you had dope multis

....She's lost....
So carried away in the agony of howling winds.
Gazed Upon by the fallen with a Scowling Grin.
Shes Flustered & unhinged by whats foul Within.
Giving her friends the slip, leaving her pals to sin.



Fucking awesome man keep this shit up and stay blessed
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote fuckoff Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 February 2014 at 3:04am
Originally posted by TURTLE TURTLE wrote:

This was pretty smooth INK. Nice vocab and imagery man.
You're opener sucked me in.

So carried way in the agony of howling winds.
Gazed Upon by the fallen with a Scowling Grin.
Shes Flustered & unhinged by whats foul Within.
Giving her friends the slip, leaving her pals to sin.

Very nice dude!!!


enjoyed this, drop more.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote INK. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 February 2014 at 3:29am
'preciate it
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote levy420 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 February 2014 at 3:39am
Dam ink u need talk drop more opens son this was dope threw out we gotta throw together a collab soon bro stay at it
I'll explode at the drop of a dime like proximity mines
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Exoduzt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 February 2014 at 5:33pm
damn its a bout fucking time you dropped something like this...I've been calling you out to do so...good shit.

this was a great drop rite here....vocab on point which adds to a flawless flow in some points.  Your descriptiveness in some sections were really just some top notch shit. 

Her senses betray her ways only to overwhelm her.
Satisfaction is self Served with Alcohol as her Helper"----liked this line a lot

leansed of all her wrong doings. She's Holding her head high.
Choosing the Shepard letting her regets fly where the dead lie.
A heavenly glow she heavily shows, as she smiles and Treads by.
She finds solace in her old Face, 
on a death bed reminiscin on a wretch who had a blessed life.---this was ya best section...great ending to a nice story

now do it again lol..drop more like this ink...good shit


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cheeseburger Eddie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 February 2014 at 7:47pm
That was beautiful. All I can really say about it.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote -Que- Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 February 2014 at 10:29pm
Diggin this piece...I read it last night. Imma be collabin with Nigma and Exo soon and I hope to add you in the equation. 

Her senses betray her ways only to overwhelm her.
Satisfaction is self Served with Alcohol as her Helper.
..She's Her own Worst enemy...
steals the attention of anyone near like Befriending thieves.
Its always her fears but never her heart that she's lending me.
LOL...My fav part....very stable and down right crisp in its emotion.

....So i'll Wait...
If forever it takes, I'm Patience you see, for Angels Endure.
^^Transition line was snug and I liked how you fired off the next set. Clean!
Slowly looking up for her godly grace, she's Angled For More.
She's Letting go of past hurts, She's Wrangled the Source, 

Overall a very precise drop. Propers INK

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote INK. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 February 2014 at 10:42pm
i guess this shows im more than a battler yay!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Rapper T Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 February 2014 at 5:51am
Kia Ora INK, this was ataahua e hoa. I read this jam out loud and it flowed smooth with sweet transitions. I particularly liked the thought you put into the rhymes and scheme. Stay elevated!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote JBrenn Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 February 2014 at 6:03am
Originally posted by INK. INK. wrote:

i guess this shows im more than a battler yay!

well seeing how your a terrible battler Wink id hope you could drop a decent om....

This was average at best!! very plain in all part....


















NAH jk this was very illustrated and the imagery and emotion involved was amazing.... 5 stars and easily OMOTM FEB material.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Rameez Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 February 2014 at 12:01pm
well written, I like everything about your writing.. like flow and rhyming.. and this had a good storyline to it. you could've extend the story and made it more dramatic
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote U.N.L.M. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 February 2014 at 5:00am
The piece was beautifully written throughout...My favorite set was the last one..."heavenly glow she heavily shows" was a great phrase...The closing line was really quite good as well to close the piece...I thought, as a whole, it was consistently excellent...Other than one instance "mangled and tore" - I think you meant "mangled and torn"? A typo? I'm a nitpicking son-of-a-bitch? Yes, but I only noticed that because everything else was so on-point so it's a compliment in some weird, twisted way...Anyway, I'm glad there's some significant substance beneath your battling exterior...Truly hope to see more...keep it up. 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote INK. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 February 2014 at 5:11am
you will, and i shall be dropping more
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote The_Guy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 February 2014 at 5:16am
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