Elevation Centre: 1st Rhym and need any in site |
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blue31u 
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 Topic: 1st Rhym and need any in sitePosted: 05 July 2008 at 2:59pm |
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Um hello um
Did any of you here Ill Bill when he was speaking Or where you not listen to what he was saying We only want to be part of the in crowed parting But I guess a gun ringing is only way to get you to listen But isn’t hard not to listen after more then 46 school shooting An more then one hundred and seventy two slain 2X Its not that we wanna be like this We are normal people like yous But you force this on your selves With the pain you force on us I climbed to the top of bell tower I’ve been sent here from hells core To sell each of their souls for a dallar By the top of each the tall hours they called me weird when I sat in this shell of fear You all need to bow down!!! BOW DOWN Till this all done but let’s start the count down, Till you hear the ring of this A-K’s spray its loud sound Now lets send em all to hell sour TAKE THAT BITCH TAKE IT TAKE IT I KNOW YOU LIKE IT EH EH YA YA ha ha I got cha HA HA HA I’m just crazy reckless and dangerous I fill bliss with reckless endangerment Um did I say I’m crazy reckless and dangerous? So you might wanta cover the shutters because this now a danger house An I’m here to set the nasty tempo of the painful tones So lets hear the scrams oh so clear go on and on Through the halls of West Ambler Johnston Hall An we can’t forget the oh so famous Norris Hall 33 downed from in this blood ball 2X Its not that we wanna be like this We are normal people like yours But you force this on your selves |
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Madeye
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Joined: 25 March 2008 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 1177 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: WWLLLL |
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Posted: 05 July 2008 at 3:14pm |
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Whuh???
Why'd you post this in rap tutorials?
Anyway... you should be posting in OPEN MIC....
And... you might wanna' look at some others drops...
yur flow was staggered, mayng. Wasn't feelin it.
Keep elevating.
Stay Up, Fam.
One ['1]
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<font color=darkgray>I'm only offended by those I respect... and I don't respect you[/COLOR]
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blue31u
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Posted: 05 July 2008 at 3:19pm |
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Ok new here an just look'n for a bit o' help.
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Madeye
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Posted: 05 July 2008 at 3:36pm |
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You can find a lot of it (help) here in LA...
Anyway... ... ya' line endings need to rhyme, you gotta' decent vocab and got the idea of how to write... ... stay up. Keep at it, blue. One ['1] |
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<font color=darkgray>I'm only offended by those I respect... and I don't respect you[/COLOR]
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blue31u
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Posted: 05 July 2008 at 4:08pm |
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So is something like this a bit better?
Money makes me so angry, with my pockets so empty,
so gray being Hungry, It just makes me so Lunney. I wish I had money like a bee with honey. The munni is just so funny. This is me being hungry, An tired of being hungry. Tired of being with out money.
I could see myself in sunny Beverly hills Bein lunney from some sunny green money, wify I'm making me
us some money I'm goin after the angry pirat booty
get me some angry bee honey |
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Madeye
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Posted: 05 July 2008 at 8:33pm |
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ehh... it's heading in the right direction...
but try more like this (...and stay away from cloning a style though... keep ya
' own.)
Money makes me so hungry, with my pockets empty
Can't even afford lunch-meat, or some pot tuh' sent me
I wish I had money, like a stack uh' crisp hunz
The money is just so funny, it gets cats to clip guns
An' I'm tired of being hungry, tired of wantin' what missin'
I can see myself in sunny Beverly Hills jus' pimpin'
....
try not to use the same words over and again, though... it shows a lack of lyricism.
Do ya' get me ?
Stay up, blue...
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<font color=darkgray>I'm only offended by those I respect... and I don't respect you[/COLOR]
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blue31u
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Posted: 06 July 2008 at 5:59pm |
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Yep I got ya!
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Madeye
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Posted: 06 July 2008 at 6:06pm |
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Coo'....
Now drop some genuine expression-turnes lyrics in Open Mic...
I'll feed it once you done.
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<font color=darkgray>I'm only offended by those I respect... and I don't respect you[/COLOR]
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blue31u
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Posted: 06 July 2008 at 6:37pm |
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How is this?
I’m like a wild animal just released from a cage
Ready ta flip this gage on any man with wild beast rage
So step on this stage and up at the wrong end of this gage
But it’s so sad this muzzle spray has so much collateral deceased damage
An there is no priest backstage, I’m here misplaced, and on a rampage
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Madeye
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Posted: 06 July 2008 at 6:46pm |
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... flows good, mayng...
good - no doubt...
but you reused the word gage, which evokes a lack of lyricism...
I liked da' flow though, like I said.
You jus' gotta refrain from back-tracking on the words, mayng.
I always try to move on to new ones, in every rhyme.
It's hard at times. But ya' vocab will soon reach unbelievable heights. Stick to it.
Good concepts as well. Opener was coo', and also... and you can choose to look at this with you rhymes later if you like...
But the syllable counts for each line give a better flow if the all match, or, at least are with in a couple syllable differences.
Also, once you get going with you Ish (style, and rhyme) try dropping a lil' longer of pieces.
Above all, you got the right idea.
Keep elevatin', Fam.
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hanGing
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Posted: 06 July 2008 at 7:17pm |
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Madeye - nice one for this..
You're explaining shit well - I don't give respect often. But I am here. |
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Madeye
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Posted: 06 July 2008 at 7:30pm |
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Just repaying my debt to the LA society, bruh'.
But yeah, it's even getn' ME thinkin' a lil'.
Thanx for the word, though, hanGing. Coo'.
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<font color=darkgray>I'm only offended by those I respect... and I don't respect you[/COLOR]
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blue31u
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Posted: 06 July 2008 at 9:05pm |
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what you think of dis. I used german in this one a bit.
Ich habe dich lieb, Ich liebe dich
I have love for er I love her natuerlich
But we stuck eating a freekn side dish
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Madeye
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Posted: 07 July 2008 at 1:54pm |
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Dude, unless this is "poetic" (which it seems like)...
Just stick to English. I ain't seeing you in open mic, yet? Gonna post to get feed? I'd suggest writing about something that you know, feel or have strong views about... ...the flow will come out a lot easier and more naturally. Stay up, Fam. One ['1] |
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<font color=darkgray>I'm only offended by those I respect... and I don't respect you[/COLOR]
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blue31u
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Posted: 08 July 2008 at 2:03pm |
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I posted two in open mic.
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Madeye
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Posted: 08 July 2008 at 2:20pm |
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I got'ya, blue...
I'll peek at'em... see wut you doin'...  |
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<font color=darkgray>I'm only offended by those I respect... and I don't respect you[/COLOR]
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blue31u
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Posted: 08 July 2008 at 2:26pm |
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I also got one in crew try outs.
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Madeye
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Posted: 08 July 2008 at 2:37pm |
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Aiight, dude...
I'm on'em Right Now. Honest. |
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direct1
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Posted: 08 July 2008 at 3:13pm |
iche liebe dich translates i love you whats the rest of it???
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blue31u
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Posted: 08 July 2008 at 3:18pm |
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word for word translates to.
ich habe dich lieb = i have you love or i have a lot of love for you
and ich liebe dich = i love you
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blue31u wrote: