Open Mic: swimming with sharks

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im feeling my face, sweat runnin in beads like a nunnery race
i know its silly, but brother i prayed, prayed for summin to change 
someone to blame?.. tension couples fear like sams summer of hate
my disgruntled face like thunder, stubble grain, eyes like slate 
heads sky high, up in the clouds.. inflated like monies in kuwait
all my dreams are gone now, they suddenly fade away or crumble mate
subtly slain, or made to dust, by a reality trickier than a Russian gun game
the water before me's burning, it holds a innate fear like flames 
as it brakes into miniature waves an relays back my murky reflection
but it could never quite capture my crude earthly apprehensions
theres a question cemented in my head, in huge, inconceivable dimensions
relentless, i feel it on the wind of every word i dare to mention
demented, cause it follows me, and honestly, this is probably front
but for just a moment.. im given the courage... to jump...

shes been my world since day one, 
it was like a rebirth
i could never have pictured a time 
where i would leave her
we'd flirt, we'd fuck, and then 
she'd wear my t-shirt
never argued, she was too pretty.. 
i could never be stern
cause she'd turn, 
flick her hair an smile, 
an end up with her knees burnt
at first i even felt at peace with me 
jus cause we worked
and well, we both fell into love... 
feet first..

my shadowy figure, hit the water in a fit of torture, limbs as stiff as riga mortis
it split like quarters, an welcomed me into a world i only know from short clips
of attenbrough visitin orca's... but my only thought is.. your a corpse kid
im flooded with discouragin images as vivid as any authors have ever drawn in
nauseous, at war with the forces, im so different from your normal snorklers, 
not equipped for it, my thoughts are awkward raw things.. i consider an awful forfeit
my hearts fightin my head, this is mad, not me, instead im normally cautious
sick rises in my throat, an hangs itself.. i try to remember why im doing all this
i sink like a bemuda boat, lookin up for help, but that does nothing to reinforce it,  
as im fallin deeper into the darkness, all i could think, on the life of my daughter, 
was this old quote from chaucer

"Then you compared a woman's love to Hell, 
To barren land where water will not dwell, 
And you compared it to a quenchless fire, 
The more it burns the more is its desire 
To burn up everything that burnt can be. 
You say that just as worms destroy a tree 
A wife destroys her husband and contrives, 
As husbands know, the ruin of their lives"

i dont sleep...
cause tomorrow comes a little later when you waitin for it
i feel a little out of place, in the cold, like a vagrant foreign
swimming down shit creek im forever chasing torrents
this whole situation.. me and her.. its tasting horrid
an i feel vacant for it, withering, like im laced with agent orange
iv been patient, course its tough when shes such a head fuck
i know iv been a little distant lately, we aint said much
an you been out a lot, yeah i shout alot, maybe i aint worthy
i guess if we made it stop, youd be better off.. would it hurt me?
personally, i cant think of anything worse, youd prolly call me selfish
but i figure thered be a element thats selfless, if you felt this
i figure youd get me better.. i need to go... 
i need to write that letter..

its shadow sinks into the dark, making light of the spectrum
the perfectully formed hunter, it expects you wet through, respect em
its eyes menacing, its teeth cuttin water.. it considers kids tasters 
with its viscous skin weaved into a neat patchwork of little razors
toppin the food chain, cuz, move, cause it'll be you maimed
as tough as it is deadly, there aint another in its class man
you better pray, that you never fall into a shark tank...

its silhoutte slithers, 
an never stops, 
i quiver an fret, 
see its path is never blocked
its head large, the ultimate threat, 
its jaws forever cocked
ready to strike an dismember, 
I stop, ready to die, i sink 
they slink through the shadows
race past me to fast to catch a real glimpse
i turn only to see darkenin fins
I stiffen up, an feel the weight of the water
feel em brush at my toes
im a lamb to the slaughter,
and its then
its then that i saw her..

I saw her bangin her fists at the glass, mouthing my name
even in the deep water, i feel the sound reverbrate 
but i swam down all the same, ignoring the shark fins
i hovered close to her, untill only by glass was we parted
I could see her fear, tho mine had passed, i jus smiled an sank
while i pressed a laminated note on the side of the tank...
as she reads tears come to her eyes, an streamed out ephatically...
it said..

'Please.. 

Will you marry me?'

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fuckoff Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 10 April 2013 Location: fucksville Status: Offline Points: 3074 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 27-6-0 Form: WWWWWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote fuckoff Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: swimming with sharks Posted: 21 January 2014 at 12:47pm
	im feeling my face, sweat runnin in beads like a nunnery race i know its silly, but brother i prayed, prayed for summin to change someone to blame?.. tension couples fear like sams summer of hate my disgruntled face like thunder, stubble grain, eyes like slate heads sky high, up in the clouds.. inflated like monies in kuwait all my dreams are gone now, they suddenly fade away or crumble mate subtly slain, or made to dust, by a reality trickier than a Russian gun game the water before me's burning, it holds a innate fear like flames as it brakes into miniature waves an relays back my murky reflection but it could never quite capture my crude earthly apprehensions theres a question cemented in my head, in huge, inconceivable dimensions relentless, i feel it on the wind of every word i dare to mention demented, cause it follows me, and honestly, this is probably front but for just a moment.. im given the courage... to jump... shes been my world since day one, it was like a rebirth i could never have pictured a time where i would leave her we'd flirt, we'd fuck, and then she'd wear my t-shirt never argued, she was too pretty.. i could never be stern cause she'd turn, flick her hair an smile, an end up with her knees burnt at first i even felt at peace with me jus cause we worked and well, we both fell into love... feet first.. my shadowy figure, hit the water in a fit of torture, limbs as stiff as riga mortis it split like quarters, an welcomed me into a world i only know from short clips of attenbrough visitin orca's... but my only thought is.. your a corpse kid im flooded with discouragin images as vivid as any authors have ever drawn in nauseous, at war with the forces, im so different from your normal snorklers, not equipped for it, my thoughts are awkward raw things.. i consider an awful forfeit my hearts fightin my head, this is mad, not me, instead im normally cautious sick rises in my throat, an hangs itself.. i try to remember why im doing all this i sink like a bemuda boat, lookin up for help, but that does nothing to reinforce it, as im fallin deeper into the darkness, all i could think, on the life of my daughter, was this old quote from chaucer "Then you compared a woman's love to Hell, To barren land where water will not dwell, And you compared it to a quenchless fire, The more it burns the more is its desire To burn up everything that burnt can be. You say that just as worms destroy a tree A wife destroys her husband and contrives, As husbands know, the ruin of their lives" i dont sleep... cause tomorrow comes a little later when you waitin for it i feel a little out of place, in the cold, like a vagrant foreign swimming down shit creek im forever chasing torrents this whole situation.. me and her.. its tasting horrid an i feel vacant for it, withering, like im laced with agent orange iv been patient, course its tough when shes such a head fuck i know iv been a little distant lately, we aint said much an you been out a lot, yeah i shout alot, maybe i aint worthy i guess if we made it stop, youd be better off.. would it hurt me? personally, i cant think of anything worse, youd prolly call me selfish but i figure thered be a element thats selfless, if you felt this i figure youd get me better.. i need to go... i need to write that letter.. its shadow sinks into the dark, making light of the spectrum the perfectully formed hunter, it expects you wet through, respect em its eyes menacing, its teeth cuttin water.. it considers kids tasters with its viscous skin weaved into a neat patchwork of little razors toppin the food chain, cuz, move, cause it'll be you maimed as tough as it is deadly, there aint another in its class man you better pray, that you never fall into a shark tank... its silhoutte slithers, an never stops, i quiver an fret, see its path is never blocked its head large, the ultimate threat, its jaws forever cocked ready to strike an dismember, I stop, ready to die, i sink they slink through the shadows race past me to fast to catch a real glimpse i turn only to see darkenin fins I stiffen up, an feel the weight of the water feel em brush at my toes im a lamb to the slaughter, and its then its then that i saw her.. I saw her bangin her fists at the glass, mouthing my name even in the deep water, i feel the sound reverbrate but i swam down all the same, ignoring the shark fins i hovered close to her, untill only by glass was we parted I could see her fear, tho mine had passed, i jus smiled an sank while i pressed a laminated note on the side of the tank... as she reads tears come to her eyes, an streamed out ephatically... it said.. 'Please.. Will you marry me?'


JBrenn Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 03 May 2006 Status: Offline Points: 3778 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-26-0 Form: WWLWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote JBrenn Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 January 2014 at 7:58pm
	Was this to a beat? Seemed like this was an audio rather than a written. I can't pick a favorite bar cause this thing has to many. Good drop over all fo.


fuckoff Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 10 April 2013 Location: fucksville Status: Offline Points: 3074 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 27-6-0 Form: WWWWWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote fuckoff Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 January 2014 at 8:26pm
	i always have a beat on when im writing, this was for a topical that never went ahead.. hence the random topic i hated lmao


Point Blank Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 20 May 2005 Status: Offline Points: 7234 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 92-27-5 Form: WWNWWN	Post Options Post Reply Quote Point Blank Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 January 2014 at 8:44pm
	lmao damn why didn't the topical happen?

fuckoff Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 10 April 2013 Location: fucksville Status: Offline Points: 3074 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 27-6-0 Form: WWWWWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote fuckoff Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 January 2014 at 8:45pm
	dress is busy atm


spume corrupt Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3163 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL	Post Options Post Reply Quote spume corrupt Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 January 2014 at 10:19pm
	im feeling my face, sweat runnin in beads like a nunnery race i know its silly, but brother i prayed, prayed for summin to change someone to blame?.. tension couples fear like sams summer of hate my disgruntled face like thunder, stubble grain, eyes like slate Dope.......Really feeling how this has started........got me hooked and intrigued as to whats coming next heads sky high, up in the clouds.. inflated like monies in kuwait all my dreams are gone now, they suddenly fade away or crumble mate subtly slain, or made to dust, by a reality trickier than a Russian gun game the water before me's burning, it holds a innate fear like flames as it brakes into miniature waves an relays back my murky reflection but it could never quite capture my crude earthly apprehensions theres a question cemented in my head, in huge, inconceivable dimensions relentless, i feel it on the wind of every word i dare to mention Just further setting the scene here....Some cool and vivid imagery...perhaps not the strongest set with regards to the rhyming in this piece......(ending a line in "mate" always feels a bit forced) but still some nice shitt here demented, cause it follows me, and honestly, this is probably front but for just a moment.. im given the courage... to jump... Ha Ha so this is where you plant the seed!!! I see you man shes been my world since day one, it was like a rebirth i could never have pictured a time where i would leave her we'd flirt, we'd fuck, and then she'd wear my t-shirt never argued, she was too pretty.. i could never be stern cause she'd turn, flick her hair an smile, an end up with her knees burnt at first i even felt at peace with me jus cause we worked and well, we both fell into love... feet first.. Dope set here.........Really nice rhythmic feel to it my shadowy figure, hit the water in a fit of torture, limbs as stiff as riga mortis it split like quarters, an welcomed me into a world i only know from short clips of attenbrough visitin orca's... but my only thought is.. your a corpse kid im flooded with discouragin images as vivid as any authors have ever drawn in nauseous, at war with the forces, im so different from your normal snorklers, not equipped for it, my thoughts are awkward raw things.. i consider an awful forfeit my hearts fightin my head, this is mad, not me, instead im normally cautious sick rises in my throat, an hangs itself.. i try to remember why im doing all this i sink like a bemuda boat, lookin up for help, but that does nothing to reinforce it, as im fallin deeper into the darkness, all i could think, on the life of my daughter, was this old quote from chaucer Keeping it really tight here............rhymes and vocab on point........AllKinda stuff you can only appreciate fully on the second read coming thru here............Dope "Then you compared a woman's love to Hell, To barren land where water will not dwell, And you compared it to a quenchless fire, The more it burns the more is its desire To burn up everything that burnt can be. You say that just as worms destroy a tree A wife destroys her husband and contrives, As husbands know, the ruin of their lives" Lol you just trew that quote in there and bounced off it nice........it really worked well i dont sleep... cause tomorrow comes a little later when you waitin for it i feel a little out of place, in the cold, like a vagrant foreign swimming down shit creek im forever chasing torrents this whole situation.. me and her.. its tasting horrid Shitt man that set was dope as fuck.......Killing this piece with the rhymes here an i feel vacant for it, withering, like im laced with agent orange iv been patient, course its tough when shes such a head fuck i know iv been a little distant lately, we aint said much an you been out a lot, yeah i shout alot, maybe i aint worthy i guess if we made it stop, youd be better off.. would it hurt me? personally, i cant think of anything worse, youd prolly call me selfish but i figure thered be a element thats selfless, if you felt this i figure youd get me better.. i need to go... i need to write that letter.. its shadow sinks into the dark, making light of the spectrum the perfectully formed hunter, it expects you wet through, respect em its eyes menacing, its teeth cuttin water.. it considers kids tasters with its viscous skin weaved into a neat patchwork of little razors toppin the food chain, cuz, move, cause it'll be you maimed as tough as it is deadly, there aint another in its class man you better pray, that you never fall into a shark tank... Shark tank........I think I know where your going with that its silhoutte slithers, an never stops, i quiver an fret, see its path is never blocked its head large, the ultimate threat, its jaws forever cocked ready to strike an dismember, I stop, ready to die, i sink they slink through the shadows race past me to fast to catch a real glimpse i turn only to see darkenin fins I stiffen up, an feel the weight of the water feel em brush at my toes im a lamb to the slaughter, and its then its then that i saw her.. I saw her bangin her fists at the glass, mouthing my name even in the deep water, i feel the sound reverbrate but i swam down all the same, ignoring the shark fins i hovered close to her, untill only by glass was we parted I could see her fear, tho mine had passed, i jus smiled an sank while i pressed a laminated note on the side of the tank... as she reads tears come to her eyes, an streamed out ephatically... Its a great piece of writing man...........well done with this one it kept me entertained and I really like how you played the last bit out.........."Will you marry me" Thats some real subtle shitt.............Skills on this one F.OFF


fuckoff Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 10 April 2013 Location: fucksville Status: Offline Points: 3074 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 27-6-0 Form: WWWWWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote fuckoff Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 January 2014 at 10:54pm
	thanks spume.. props for taking the time out to read an feed. much respect man.


IZIAH Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 31 August 2012 Location: alberta, Canada Status: Offline Points: 2041 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-3-1 Form: WLLWLN	Post Options Post Reply Quote IZIAH Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 January 2014 at 2:38am
	good shit FO, i liked it. and yeah, it seemed it was ment for a beat. but it still flowed good. the opener was sick man. i liked tha imagery. keep it up. your damn good!

fuckoff Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 10 April 2013 Location: fucksville Status: Offline Points: 3074 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 27-6-0 Form: WWWWWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote fuckoff Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 January 2014 at 1:15pm
	thnx famo


O Block Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 07 May 2013 Location: Cincinnati Ohio Status: Offline Points: 474 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 10-9-2 Form: WWWNLL	Post Options Post Reply Quote O Block Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 January 2014 at 1:15pm
	pretty good g.

Smoothtung Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 09 December 2012 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 25-8-3 Form: WWWLWN	Post Options Post Reply Quote Smoothtung Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 January 2014 at 7:52pm
	can I quote spume's entire response? aha yea Fuck, you already know this is dope son.. I mostly love that you obviously put the time it deserves into this piece.. this is obviously a complete version and you don't see many full pieces in the om section now-a-days. Congratulations buddy, you done well
	Imagery so vividly intrinsic you might miss it.. Though you never even had the chance to witness it

Nigma Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4078 Crew: Elision	Post Options Post Reply Quote Nigma Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 January 2014 at 8:07pm
	This hit home with me on multiple fronts. First off, I been diving with sharks before which was fuckin CRAZY. Went when I was in Hawaii a few years ago, it was on sale (which i later realised was because there was a tsunami warning). But anyways, that adventure really made that side this piece extra vivid for me, those are images I'll never forget. To the piece itself, although you weren't a fan of this topic you fucking rocked it. The second way this hit home with me was because through the first 3 quarters of the verse it seemed like you were speaking on the relationship negatively and I'm goin through some of that shit too. The way you interwove the two themes throughout, going back and forth between the two, was really well thought out. That ending caught me off guard and really switched my view on the whole verse in a good way. Really great execution, props on a very solid drop


Titu Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 04 July 2013 Location: 🔥 Hell 🔥 Status: Offline Points: 4522 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-19-0 Form: WWWWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Titu Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 January 2014 at 8:12pm
	That was dope as fuck,FO. Cant say much about it. You took the story writing to the next level. Very descriptive and affective piece overall... I cant pick up the best part as this whole piece was dope but personally, i loved the ending. Very raw and emotional... Props man
	Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.

Trizzy Tre Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 28 March 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5101 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 30-7-1 Form: WLWLWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Trizzy Tre Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 January 2014 at 8:41pm
	daaaamn FO! Solid drop. Your multi game was ill and tied this whole verse together from top to bottom. The inners and the vocab were spot on. You really shine when it comes to topicals and telling a story, shit was dopeness all the way through. Def was an interesting ending to it as well.... Good read.

Cuba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12332 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Cuba Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 26 January 2014 at 1:05am
	Read it over quickly because you asked me,... Initial thoughts...rhyming, dope, really subtle and loved the way it kind of rolled over at points. References that I caught were pretty slick, again, worked in there subtle...you don't have to make it obvious. Very readable, obviously it's long but you are pulled along by it. Maybe could've fucked around a bit more with the rhythm to keep me involved, I liked the way you switched it up into sections to push on your narrative but it always felt a bit stand offish in the way you presented it, like the tone of it... Must admit, first read of it I didn't fully get ytf the guy ended up in the shark tank to propose...I really need to go back and try and follow it through a bit more and catch the full narrative, but either way, you turned a pretty shitty topic into something that was interesting to read through your approach and quirks/quotables you worked in there. But yeah, I really need to reread and I need to sleep right now...


fuckoff Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 10 April 2013 Location: fucksville Status: Offline Points: 3074 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 27-6-0 Form: WWWWWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote fuckoff Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 26 January 2014 at 1:10am
	much appreciated, ty for taking the time man, and i agree with you 100% as always lol.


Exoduzt Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Exoduzt Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 27 January 2014 at 7:42pm
	I'm a big fan of this. I love the long type of drops it really brings out the writers true talent in my opinion. You started it out nice i loved the summer of sam line that was tight. You have a very smooth way of describing in detail some of the points you try to get across. nicely done. " as it brakes into miniature waves an relays back my murky reflection but it could never quite capture my crude earthly apprehensions theres a question cemented in my head, in huge, inconceivable dimensions relentless, i feel it on the wind of every word i dare to mention demented, cause it follows me, and honestly, this is probably front but for just a moment.. im given the courage... to jump..."---wow I was feeling the way you ended this section. very nice FO your vocab usage in this drop was top notch in my opinion. The story seemed to drift away from me in some parts but overall it did hold together pretty nicely. another dope drop FO...we need to get on a collab soon


U.N.L.M. Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 19 December 2006 Location: USA Status: Offline Points: 1955 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 23-15-0 Form: WWWWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote U.N.L.M. Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 27 January 2014 at 8:00pm
	I really like the ambition of these types of drops and the stories you try to tell. I saw a lot of this in the earlier stages so it was nice to read it all as a finished piece. I love the way you draw out the story. A lot of people try to cram too much quickly, but I feel like you give it the time it needs no matter how long it is. The rhymes were slick throughout the piece too, you really made this a complete work...impressive, especially considering the topic.


Kiki Spirez Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 30 December 2008 Location: Chesterfield Status: Offline Points: 4375 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 68-26-0 Form: WWWWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Kiki Spirez Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 27 January 2014 at 9:08pm
	There's two things I mainly like about you. 1, is that you don't drop shit, until you KNOW you have a winner. No warning shots, no little experiments, no 'i just fancied dropping something'.. Whenever I see a piece from you, I know it's been a calculated move. The second, is that because I was one of your first major interactions on here, I distinctly remember your skill level when you joined. And you elevation has been unbelievable. It shows what can be done with persistence and creativity. Back on to the piece.. First off, that first line, was one of the dopest plays i've seen in a while. Utter props for that beauty. The rest of the piece went from there, and teased the reader perfectly with the content and flow switches. Those little breakdowns could've stood on their own to be honest, so poetic. Then you'd just effortlessly go back to the hard bars. I can't think of any criticisms for this. Seriously, well done.


fuckoff Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 10 April 2013 Location: fucksville Status: Offline Points: 3074 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 27-6-0 Form: WWWWWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote fuckoff Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 January 2014 at 10:13am
	thanks Ki, appreciate all the feed on such a long drop. ty everyone