Open Mic: ~A Meaningful Emotion~

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is it pain-n-sorrow??? is it deppression-thats-dealt????
her heart may-be-hollow...this is how expressions-are-felt....
so many days-ta-follow....so many affections-derailed.....
she's in a state-of-sorrow....where theres no protection-ta-help.....
light dims-into-dark....as her complextion-is-pale....
she invisions-her-thoughts....realizes lifes a lesson-its-self......
feels imprisioned-n-lost.....like tha devils corress'n-her-health.....
a conviction-ta-talk......she remains silent-n-true.....
a victim-thats-caught...between crimes-in-her-youth....
or maybe she sence's-a-lost....as tha violence-pertrudes.....
wishes HE'D listen-with-cause....as she cry's-out-in-truth..... (HE = GOD)
now her feelings-are-hopless....her minds altering-lies.....
theres no healing-where-hope-is....demons now crawling-inside.....
her eyes revealing-errotion......it's not hard-ta-see-why.......
she feels her appealings-corroded....her heart starts-ta-divide....
two peices consealing-emotions....both a target-ta-die....
her hair as thin-as-her-patience....yet she still managed-ta-hold-it.....
but in a sence-of-amazement....and granted-she-noticed....
hells finsh'n-occation...is her stand'n-out-focused....
so she prays-in-her-head....that jesus christ-can-save-her....
wishes every day-that-she's-dead....thinks every night-he-hates-her....
n as she floats-ta-sleep...she wishes her life-to-our-savor....
it seems as she grows-she-weeps....death seems to fight-in-her-favor....

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-Street- Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 25 April 2008 Status: Offline Points: 60	Post Options Post Reply Quote -Street- Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: ~A Meaningful Emotion~ Posted: 04 May 2008 at 6:09pm
	is it pain-n-sorrow??? is it deppression-thats-dealt???? her heart may-be-hollow...this is how expressions-are-felt.... so many days-ta-follow....so many affections-derailed..... she's in a state-of-sorrow....where theres no protection-ta-help..... light dims-into-dark....as her complextion-is-pale.... she invisions-her-thoughts....realizes lifes a lesson-its-self...... feels imprisioned-n-lost.....like tha devils corress'n-her-health..... a conviction-ta-talk......she remains silent-n-true..... a victim-thats-caught...between crimes-in-her-youth.... or maybe she sence's-a-lost....as tha violence-pertrudes..... wishes HE'D listen-with-cause....as she cry's-out-in-truth..... (HE = GOD) now her feelings-are-hopless....her minds altering-lies..... theres no healing-where-hope-is....demons now crawling-inside..... her eyes revealing-errotion......it's not hard-ta-see-why....... she feels her appealings-corroded....her heart starts-ta-divide.... two peices consealing-emotions....both a target-ta-die.... her hair as thin-as-her-patience....yet she still managed-ta-hold-it..... but in a sence-of-amazement....and granted-she-noticed.... hells finsh'n-occation...is her stand'n-out-focused.... so she prays-in-her-head....that jesus christ-can-save-her.... wishes every day-that-she's-dead....thinks every night-he-hates-her.... n as she floats-ta-sleep...she wishes her life-to-our-savor.... it seems as she grows-she-weeps....death seems to fight-in-her-favor....


-Street- Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 25 April 2008 Status: Offline Points: 60	Post Options Post Reply Quote -Street- Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 04 May 2008 at 9:39pm
	???????


Fatal Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member ...Wicked Wit Wordplay... Joined: 08 March 2005 Location: Chicago Status: Offline Points: 6441 Crew: The Dynasty Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-4-2 Form: WNNWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Fatal Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 05 May 2008 at 12:20am
	This was pretty good. Lots of multies but in places the rhymes scheme was fucked which made me have to go back and re read since the flow was thrown off....still good story and meaning...stay up


-Street- Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 25 April 2008 Status: Offline Points: 60	Post Options Post Reply Quote -Street- Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 05 May 2008 at 9:47am
	appreciate the feed.....where did you see it was fucked up??


Rameez Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 31 July 2007 Location: Brampton, CDN Status: Offline Points: 3922 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 22-40-4 Form: NWWWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Rameez Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 05 May 2008 at 1:44pm
	this was good piece man.. nice spit.. nothing wrong with ya rhyme scheme its different then what I do.. u did like ____ABC__DEF ____ABC__DEF But for me I keep it this way to flow smoother.. ___ABC___ABC ___ABC___ABC but ya overall this was nice topical spit.. nice message here..


Fatal Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member ...Wicked Wit Wordplay... Joined: 08 March 2005 Location: Chicago Status: Offline Points: 6441 Crew: The Dynasty Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-4-2 Form: WNNWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Fatal Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 05 May 2008 at 5:56pm
	My bad, i woudnt say "fuck up"...more like a very odd rhyme scheme that threw me off. Like: so many days-ta-follow....so many affections-derailed..... she's in a state-of-sorrow....where theres no protection-ta-help..... light dims-into-dark....as her complextion-is-pale.... she invisions-her-thoughts....realizes lifes a lesson-its-self...... feels imprisioned-n-lost.....like tha devils corress'n-her-health..... a conviction-ta-talk......she remains silent-n-true..... Its actually not bad so to say, jus odd IMO...kinda threw me off fell me? But yea its an original style and after i re read it, it flowed good to me...this is a classic audio style, which wouldnt surprise me if you did audio...but yea keep droppin man, you def got talent Edited by Fatal - 05 May 2008 at 5:56pm


-Street- Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 25 April 2008 Status: Offline Points: 60	Post Options Post Reply Quote -Street- Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 05 May 2008 at 8:49pm
	much appreciated....yah i tryed that style before because i hadn't seen anyone else do it and when i did it to audio everyone liked it...i don't have my mic no mo...but when i get a chance i go to one of my boys house but with a baby on tha way n shit it's hard nah mean..but when i get a chance i'll throw tha audio to it on tha site..