Open Mic: Just a real quick freestyle. SouthSide. |
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$outh$ide Mexican 
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Joined: 15 April 2008 Location: Denver, CO Status: Offline Points: 12 |
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 Topic: Just a real quick freestyle. SouthSide.Posted: 15 April 2008 at 11:11am |
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Homie from the Southside, and I'm all about mine My homie died and the cops called it drug related
I was standing right there when his mother fainted And I felt trapped, cause I know I gotta choose fate I grabbed my nina and made that bitch loose weight Since eighty-eight with a nick in my tube socks I been a G since you was tryin' to do the moonwalk Bullet proof vest, my jefa sense stress Nothing positive about me, except my piss test I grew up in a house full of empty stomachs While other kids was at Mcdonald's getting twenty nuggets And I'm known all across the ghettos Boy you think the fuckin' law, so don't pawn my huevos My chrome spits and I know to chase hoe clicks now at the club dancing with a glow sticks |
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My gun is hot, My heart is cold
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Fatal
Superior Member 
...Wicked Wit Wordplay... Joined: 08 March 2005 Location: Chicago Status: Offline Points: 6441 Crew: The Dynasty Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-4-2 Form: WNNWWW |
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Posted: 15 April 2008 at 6:14pm |
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First off, welcome to LA...this is the site to be if you wanna elevate and learn from the best... As for the verse, it was ok. Seems kind of simple as far as your vocab. NEVER rhyme the same ending words. Like you did with your first two lines. Also in the next four, you rhymed "gone" twice and further down you did the same with "here." Thats rookie shit, man and shows a lack a lyrisicm. I dont mean to mean harsh but that was ya major flaw that stood out to me. Once you correct that, you should be ok. But keep practicing man, no one becomes a Pro over night. Keep droppin fam... ...1 |
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CHAIN
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Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
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Posted: 15 April 2008 at 6:57pm |
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first off:
""""NEVER rhyme the same ending words. Like you did with your first two lines """"""""""
Homie from the Southside, and I'm all ****about*** mine
Money paper chasing stack it up, I gotta ***count*** mine " it rhymes to me, so saying that's rookie shit..that's disrespectful..get familiar with that technique, c'mon now
...and damn, this drop was ill, i feel like LA needs more of this shit, u can't tell me that 2nd verse wasn't crazy
mad descriptive too,
lol @ fatal saying : no one becomes a Pro over night
dude ....
i think dude is real good at what he does, he seems like a pro to me, everybody can't be rakim or big pun
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Fatal
Superior Member
...Wicked Wit Wordplay... Joined: 08 March 2005 Location: Chicago Status: Offline Points: 6441 Crew: The Dynasty Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-4-2 Form: WNNWWW |
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Posted: 15 April 2008 at 7:11pm |
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No offense Chain, but if you think that this verse is Pro, then you need to quite text.
Yes on audio this would be cool, but in text the "mine" ending rhymes just isnt creative and IS rookie shit.
I never said that he was shit or not "good at what he does." Re read my post as i was giving constructive critisism...He does have good grasp on flow and this wasnt bad for a "freestyle."
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Rameez
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Joined: 31 July 2007 Location: Brampton, CDN Status: Offline Points: 3922 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 22-40-4 Form: NWWWWW |
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Posted: 16 April 2008 at 12:52am |
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u could have last word same but should have different meaning...
example.. FATAL it would be great if u cud rhyme for a change.. Ul never be rich...you couldnt even rhyme for some 'change' |
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Bolo
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¡Ke Viva La Fuckin' Revolución! Joined: 11 November 2004 Status: Offline Points: 1397 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-4-4 Form: NWLNNN |
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Posted: 16 April 2008 at 12:59am |
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no, u cant
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I am the one that knocks...
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SageOne
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Joined: 12 June 2006 Location: At Your House Status: Offline Points: 2976 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 34-13-2 Form: WLWLLL |
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Posted: 16 April 2008 at 1:08am |
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lmao at Ram trying to give advice.
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Fatal
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...Wicked Wit Wordplay... Joined: 08 March 2005 Location: Chicago Status: Offline Points: 6441 Crew: The Dynasty Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-4-2 Form: WNNWWW |
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Posted: 16 April 2008 at 6:26pm |
Rookie shit...thanks for proving me right
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CHAIN
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Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
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Posted: 17 April 2008 at 9:13am |
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stop it^^^...your favorite rapper does the same thing
Edited by CHAIN - 17 April 2008 at 9:14am |
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Fatal
Superior Member
...Wicked Wit Wordplay... Joined: 08 March 2005 Location: Chicago Status: Offline Points: 6441 Crew: The Dynasty Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-4-2 Form: WNNWWW |
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Posted: 18 April 2008 at 1:58am |
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Rookie shit i tell you!!!
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CHAIN
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Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
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Posted: 18 April 2008 at 3:54am |
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nah, it ain't ...i disagree, and i'ma leave it at that...iight?
~1 Edited by CHAIN - 18 April 2008 at 3:54am |
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Rameez wrote: