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Zinaii 
Standard Member 
Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 2957 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-27-10 Form: WLNNNL |
 Topic: zinaii vs the law *topical*Posted: 15 June 2013 at 3:15pm |
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Ok lets do24 bars each.....first to five votes wins.....do u have a topic if not ill thrown one out
TOPIC IS NEWBORNS FIRST SIGHT Edited all the shit out of it - keep ya threads clean lads - getting sick of clearing up all the shit now
Edited by Manc - 19 June 2013 at 6:48pm |
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Zinaii
Standard Member
Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 2957 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-27-10 Form: WLNNNL |
Posted: 16 June 2013 at 3:17am |
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Sliding down my mothers tubes/if they thynk its gon b easy then they gullible/feeling fingers on my head tryna bring me in this dread/ed world, soon as u touchdown u fuked pal ur never pure/i hear the screams equivalent to a scene of murder/seen her food head the other way ew i thynk she hurled up/Pulln me out my mothers uterus/i wuld thynk that these wuld b the ttype of ppl ud arrest/apparently theyre celebrated/tbey pulled me into this piercing light i lost of my strength to fight/the only tthing i could do was scream/who is he? Who is she? Seen my moms she lookd like a fukn beauty queen/put me under this hot light like cornerstore chicken/already pissed on the doctor nnow im wantn more victims/placed me into the arms of the woman i lived inside/we met eyes im still screamin and mama sympathized/wen i was micro-scopic i dis-solved quick/then got her inside her organs and my size got larger/i searched for her egg like easter/i was hungry to live lyke cannibals wenever they eat dead people/im takn the world in lyke galatic black holes/moving arms legs and fingers realized i got toes/off to slp worn out from the days activities/but wen i wake up ima run mama wild til then iima save my energy
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The Law
Site Moderator 
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 18 June 2013 at 2:54am |
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Push... Push.. Push..... AHHHHH.. And out comes Janet
After the force and pressure of a thousand plants There was no ultra sound, but they were Hoping its a girl As the Mother held her, The newborns eye began to open to the world At first sight, the bright lights were blinding and gleamed as the moments past the hospital room began unwinding to me Every weird object that able to question with such painful attention and the arms that gripped around my body was like an angel from heaven a sweaty face that flickered off the fluorescent bulbs Bright brown eyes, tiny ears and a nose, black hair that waved in incessant bulk But behind her, such horror and frightening things Without knowledge of these beings I let out a Ripening scream Two people in all blue, with white masks holding tools and machines Thinking their intentions were the cruelest of things I kick and scream, and starting pounding some more as this angelic woman moves me closer, I look down at the floor Terrified as to what I see... The crying stops and I deafen at first One wrong move I might fall off the edge of the earth A man sprints in the room.. Tears streaming down his face I got startled.. And gave a weird look around the place The man musta be 6'1, Blue eyes, with spiked brown hair Everybody's a giant to my life down here The science, The objectives, Hard, soft, shiny and dull So interested, its no surprise the crying went dull But then a sudden sense of tiredness took control of mentality I fought it hard, to see more of the reality But within seconds I went to sleep, just a sweet girl and without time to lose, I was introduced to the dream world. Sorry if it's sloppy in spots. I didn't proof read to make sure. I just gave it a quick key off the top. |
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The_Guy
Standard Member
Joined: 18 May 2013 Status: Offline Points: 1014 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 16-12-0 Form: WLWWLL |
Posted: 18 June 2013 at 3:50am |
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vote goes to law
first off his structure was a lot better...could tighten it up in some place...but his story was a lot more entertaining and easier on the eyes to read...zin work on your structure and your plot a little more...verse was decent but you jumped around too much from being born to being back in the womb and egg... stay up guys
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The Law
Site Moderator
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 18 June 2013 at 1:29pm |
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1-0
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Zinaii
Standard Member
Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 2957 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-27-10 Form: WLNNNL |
Posted: 18 June 2013 at 1:48pm |
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good shyt law yea i keyed mine off the top to good lookn guy
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Manc
Superior Member 
Joined: 02 April 2010 Status: Offline Points: 7032 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 82-4-2 Form: WWWWNW |
Posted: 19 June 2013 at 12:18am |
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Yea - Laws verse gripped me from the start with that little interlude he threw in first. It was more descriptive and detailed - which helps a lot with the imaging. Few parts were a bit iffy but for the ost part, it stuck to the story and kept me reading.
Zin - the way you type your verses too man - ya need to press enter so they ave a line of there own. I'm not judging you based on that - but it just makes it harder to read, and takes away from your flow. Your verse was decent - but Laws had me intrigued more to find out what he'd see next. The descriptiveness won this ere IMO. MVGT Law Good luck lads
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Zinaii
Standard Member
Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 2957 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-27-10 Form: WLNNNL |
Posted: 19 June 2013 at 12:28am |
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I can dig this was my first topical and that was a sloppy ass verse of mine
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The Law
Site Moderator
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 19 June 2013 at 1:26pm |
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2-0
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The Law
Site Moderator
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 21 June 2013 at 11:43pm |
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2-0 still.
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Vib.Klean
Standard Member
Joined: 29 April 2013 Location: NYC Status: Offline Points: 1780 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 35-28-0 Form: LLLLLL |
Posted: 22 June 2013 at 9:07pm |
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Law was all around stronger, his verse flowed better, had better content, lyrics.
Z's structure was kind of messed up which took away from his stuff a lot. overall law had the stronger verse. V. Law |
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fuckoff
Newbie 
Joined: 10 April 2013 Location: fucksville Status: Offline Points: 3074 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 27-6-0 Form: WWWWWL |
Posted: 28 June 2013 at 12:58am |
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3-0 Law
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DressToKill
Superior Member
Joined: 27 June 2006 Location: Canada,New Brunswick Status: Offline Points: 6876 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 78-62-0 Form: LLWWWL |
Posted: 28 June 2013 at 1:54am |
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3-0 Law
Closed
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The original comeback kid
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