Identity crisis: IC Prelim: Shankley vs levy420

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Topic

20 - 40 lines
3 - 0 KO or First to 5
No Crew Votes
Due at Midnight on Monday, January 12th
No exceptions (If you no show, you will not participate in my next tournament)
You must send me your verses (DO NOT POST VERSES HERE)
No free posting in battle thread. You will be warned, then disqualified.
^ You could receive a battling ban as well. I want the thread clean!
As
 votes come in I will hide them from view until the battle is over. You 
do not need to know the battle score until it's over, if it's still open
 that means it's available for votes.
If you have anything to say, there is a discussion thread. 

Good Luck!

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The Law Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW	Topic: IC Prelim: Shankley vs levy420 Posted: 05 January 2015 at 11:45pm
	Topic 20 - 40 lines 3 - 0 KO or First to 5 No Crew Votes Due at Midnight on Monday, January 12th No exceptions (If you no show, you will not participate in my next tournament) You must send me your verses (DO NOT POST VERSES HERE) No free posting in battle thread. You will be warned, then disqualified. ^ You could receive a battling ban as well. I want the thread clean! As votes come in I will hide them from view until the battle is over. You do not need to know the battle score until it's over, if it's still open that means it's available for votes. If you have anything to say, there is a discussion thread. Good Luck!
	Go my Minions!

The Law Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW	Posted: 12 January 2015 at 10:31pm
	Shankley Here I lay just wasting away Fresh the memories of the day i was made My material body may crumble and fade When created I was made to amaze My creator was a master craftsman He made things happen Created things you can nearly imagine I was a testament to his passion I started to decay at the end of humanity The greatest catastrophe Innocent perished for deeds so dastardly Insanity what kind of mentality Cowardly now I have to suffer Enduring the rain with sulphur Frost in winter and sun in summer Destroying the art of the sculptor I now just serve as a roost for birds The turn of fortune leaves me lost for words While cities turned to deserts I was wilting to nature's best efforts
	Go my Minions!

The Law Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW	Posted: 12 January 2015 at 10:32pm
	levy420 it all started with two kids playin in the sand lot Building castles dirty hands an a juice box Growing up hearing beats from a boom box Wit pops selling crops out his tube socks As we threw rocks his pop moved rock cashing in on crack stocks gone with the wind when feds chime in lifes looking grim raised by a single mother trapped in a life of sin He was a shorty exposed to a game of men plugged in As we grew up homie blew up moving dope Sixteen years old serving feens living life on the ropes This is a story of trials an tribulations that unfold When u live in a world with poison for your nose Addiction is a bitch it could take control What u know about watching friends fall down heroin road Tearing ya soul as u watch them nod out mid day Empty syringes an dirty spoons lay next to fritto lays This is a life blinded to the facts getting played By fast money an the harsh reality of a popularity game I chose a different lane nine to five stacking change Sitting back watching the poison attacking his vanes Its a deadly game that he play filled with pain I sit back enraged as I watch tears fall down his mothers face As the lower my homie into his final resting place
	Go my Minions!

Dono Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 03 January 2015 Status: Offline Points: 14	Posted: 13 January 2015 at 7:19pm
	Shankley: Now first off this seemed rushed, maybe it's just because it's so concise but I just feel like there was very little content, maybe it's just your style of writing though. I also thought 'created things you can nearly imagine' was an interesting word choice. As far as content, I thought it was well done. You took the perspective of the statue or art piece and ran with it. You briefly touched on how it ended up where it was, while keeping your focus on the piece itself. I would have liked to see a little more creativity in the downfall of humanity so we could get a little better insight, but it all in all it works. Levy: Now let me start with that I thought this was a strong piece. It was a little cliche, but well executed with lots of detail and emotion. The story progression was also well done. My biggest problem is that I didn't feel you engaged with the topic very well. As much as I tried I struggled to even bring a stretched metaphorical interpretation to the piece I just couldn't find it. Vote to Shankly solely for better adherence to the topic.

Cuba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12332 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW	Posted: 14 January 2015 at 9:59pm
	Interesting that you both went on the lower end of the line limit... Shank - hmmm....liked the short line style, I quite liked your idea about how to go with the topic but I dunno...I think maybe because you have that clean line style you're really going to struggle to expand on it to the point that you're really going to catch my attention. What you did write I actually quite liked, I just think you needed to develop the concept a bit more. On the plus side, because I'm talking about the length of the verse (I.e. That you did circa 20 lines) rather than "wow your lines weren't long enough" I think shows that you really did get a lot in your lines conceptually. Some very good rhyming and I really liked some of your imagery. Levy - this is another hmmmm for me as well...reading through the verse I was feeling like you kind of just got "inspired" by the picture and just wrote any old verse. Like it would've read by itself and you didn't really need the picture to understand it...so it wasn't inherently linked to the picture. Then as we moved through I kind of got it, you're saying the guy got addicted to drugs and got lost and that's why he feels like a shadow of a man almost getting blown away from former self. Which I think is a really good idea...but I'm not really sure if you pitched it right, I'm digging the idea but I think you maybe should've written it from the addicts POV rather than the friends. In terms of the way the verse was written I think it was clean without really being standout (nothing wrong with that, I'm just trying to look for ways to separate you both in this one). For me, I think you had a decent verse, decent idea but if you'd flipped it then it could've been pretty dope. Kind of ifs, buts and maybes. So...this is a tough one. In the simplest possible terms I think that you both had good ideas that could've been executed better. I think that you both wrote good verses from a structural point of view, but I was probably a little more impressed with Shanks phrasing and shorter line format. I think I'm edging a little towards Shank just because I think his slip was that he should've written a longer verse to expand on his idea to deliver it better while I think Levy should've flipped the perspective to fulfil the verses potential...for me, that's a bigger change than Shank and therefore it makes me feel like Shank did a better job. So for that reason I'm going to go with Shank, but it's a close one and it could go either way. Vote = Shankley


Rutter knows best Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Moderator Joined: 15 March 2014 Location: Manny hood Status: Offline Points: 4529 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-12-0 Form: WWWWLW	Posted: 15 January 2015 at 11:25pm
	I'm just voting on the piece i enjoyed more an what i thought i was supposed to be judging it one. Shankley - A short piece but the first half especially flowed really smooth. It was the more literal approach and if i had been given this picture this is the route i would of gone with in someway another. This is probably my favorite piece from you tbh. You could relate your story to the picture it was short but it didn't lose quality at any point. I do think while the simplicity worked here you would need to step it up a little if you progress. Levy - I thought this was a pretty cool story and there were some nice rhyme patterns in there from a lyrical perspective. The story was decent, but apart from the sand box reference i didn't see how it related in anyway. I think you played it safe in the opposite way to how shank did. He wrote directly about the picture. You wrote directly about subject matter that your very comfortable writing about. If you could of even of rounded it back around to some kinda symbolism about the picture more than i could maybe see my vote going the other way. Mvgt Shankley on this.
	#bananas

The Law Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW	Posted: 15 January 2015 at 11:47pm
	Shankley Wins 3-0
	Go my Minions!