Identity crisis: IC Prelim: nomedic vs sage

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Topic

20 - 40 lines
3 - 0 KO or First to 5
No Crew Votes
Due at Midnight on Monday, January 12th
No exceptions (If you no show, you will not participate in my next tournament)
You must send me your verses (DO NOT POST VERSES HERE)
No free posting in battle thread. You will be warned, then disqualified.
^ You could receive a battling ban as well. I want the thread clean!
As
 votes come in I will hide them from view until the battle is over. You 
do not need to know the battle score until it's over, if it's still open
 that means it's available for votes.
If you have anything to say, there is a discussion thread. 

Good Luck!

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The Law Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW	Topic: IC Prelim: nomedic vs sage Posted: 05 January 2015 at 11:48pm
	Topic 20 - 40 lines 3 - 0 KO or First to 5 No Crew Votes Due at Midnight on Monday, January 12th No exceptions (If you no show, you will not participate in my next tournament) You must send me your verses (DO NOT POST VERSES HERE) No free posting in battle thread. You will be warned, then disqualified. ^ You could receive a battling ban as well. I want the thread clean! As votes come in I will hide them from view until the battle is over. You do not need to know the battle score until it's over, if it's still open that means it's available for votes. If you have anything to say, there is a discussion thread. Good Luck!
	Go my Minions!

The Law Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW	Posted: 10 January 2015 at 11:03pm
	nomedic The light has turned its back on me I'm facing the dark I've lost the only man that ever had a place in my heart With inflammation on scars I can't manage the anguish The only relationship that I established has vanished I can't banish the baggage I'm feeling empty inside I didn't believe the doctor when he said he would die My brains stays in a daze a wicked maze and a labyrinth Theres no way of distracting it from the pain and the sadness Sometimes I feel like seeing all the veins I have severed Alone drunk and go numb whilst I lay on the mattress I'm facing a challenge I can't cope with my losses The day im placed in a casket they'll say opium caused it I can't sleep cause his memories are provoking my logic I sweat so much I can even taste the sodium from it I soak when recalling the day we moved in together say I must forget the moments but I choose to remember Is this what marriage is bout when you end up alone Being Attacked by a grievance that you cannot control Cause it shatters my soul knowing you were just perfect You never ruled me as worthless nor laughed at my mole I would cut myself up with the same knife that hacked him And ask the almighty God to how and why it happened Im an empty shell you should just Pay attention closely Man can live without souls im the Walking testimony I remember when you said that we should have a family I won't feel another heart beat till they put it back mechanically So this life we have is short I learnt a pivotal lesson Mines even shorter how I'll die in a pit of depression If you were give the blessings its fine time you count em If they are smaller than stones or the size of mountains If you don't count your blessings then you will regret It And feel the pain that you can't cure through an Excedrin Now rumors are spreading about a ghost in the woods It looks calm but ain't really as composed as it looks cause my soul ain't got took after I dealt with the torment For my insanity made me hang my self in the forest So you can tell from the portrait and label me sad My soul is trapped in the earth and I'm unable to pass Wish I could tell my husband that I've made it at last Hoping the hour glass sees the last grain of its sand Lord knows without him I had no reason to live So im waiting for the day i get to see him again
	Go my Minions!

The Law Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW	Posted: 10 January 2015 at 11:04pm
	sage Recrudescence Predilection The autumn's shattered leaves were falling, as I looked through the fashion trends ... Pictures filling my room, on my mind's roaming, wishing to be in a dashing dress ... Too optimistic ?! I know I'm dreaming but such dreams are crushing , I guess ... People lying saying I'm pretty yet in the mirror all I see is corpulent plough ... With a non-carb turbulent dough diet, I'll stop looking like a flatulent cow ... In the beginning I was supported to do the one thing that I love ... But now I was told I went too far But soon I'll be a star, just after I pass the auditions of the spring above ... Till a French judge said I was too fat, n left me like mourning dove ... I think he's right I hate myself, I'm committing suicide ... I admit I ate some fried, now I'll be vomiting every type ... I don't need no food nor appetite till I'm fitting and qualified ... Monthes have passed, and the leaves on trees started to shatter again ... I'm there at last, now I know my health hasn't scattered in vain ... Every week I'm some where else, enclosed by charm I'm on peak of duty ... To look my best and sublime myself I'm on seek of beauty ... I made many new friends but they doesn't seem to really like me ... And the old ones stopped talking to me it seems that they abandoned me ... I didn't mind em, I'm living my dream n they'll have to love me eventually ... I know they're jealous, they said I've changed tremendously ... Well yeah I have and became so gorgeous obviously ... But the thing is I still don't look that good in any mirror ... In fact I don't even see my self. A sculpture something giving me terror ... iit doesn't matter ...... it's just interm in ghe end I'll be the winner ... I'm beautiful I'm the perfect figure Malnourished n looking pale, but it's good every dress'll be shining brighter ... Tryna hold myself, to no avail. With every second my clothes I'm feeling tighter ... And in the runway I start to flounder My sight's so blur and it's turning smudger ... In no time I found my soul collapsed beside me and all's above her ... The autumn's shattered leaves are falling, veiling the roads of hazy woods ... The beauty youth had been fading, as my soul floats weak like lonely wolves ... I'm lost in darkness With no light but the fire that I ignited n threw my self in, like Galileo's books ... My desolation is because I chose recrudescence ... The predilection to nadir is the reason I reached my obsolescence ... Edited by The Law - 11 January 2015 at 12:42am
	Go my Minions!

aka.vicious Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 10 January 2015 Location: USA Status: Offline Points: 1	Posted: 11 January 2015 at 12:59am
	Nomedic - very serious subjects. Good rhymes. Not very constructed, but followed the theme well. Last word rhyming alot but not much else. Sage - much more in depth, better flow from what i understand. Multi-rhymes. Love it. Very personal subjects the same. Paints the motif well while adding a bit if twist. This verse poses a lot more existential questions and really exemplifies the identity crisis better. Really changed my mood just by reading the poetry. Both. Excellent. Mvgt sage

Exoduzt Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW	Posted: 11 January 2015 at 7:09pm
	First off I love the picture. I would of loved to have this myself. nomedic: You've really been on fire lately. Your opening bar I dont think could have been worded any better. It really just nailed exactly what the picture represents. Like she lost her other half and the mirror reflects that. You went on to continue with descriptive emotion and internals to really land the flow. I am very impressed with this. It fell off just a tad bit with the line veins I have severed but I see where you were going with it with the line that followed. It felt a little bit forced flow wise not content wise. WOW at that taste the sodium from it line. That could have been so incredibly nice just you lost me on the flow. That was a dope fucking line I just wish it flowed better. Accent I'm assuming. The laugh at my mole segment I see you used the same rhyme scheme I criticized before hand but you executed it much smoother with this one. I love the mole line concept wise that. Nice detail. Your multies in the next couple lines were really stand out. Your really coming into your own on this site. WOW at your twist at the end. She kills herself to be with her husband again but gets caught in the cross phase as a ghost. I didn't see that coming. The grain of sand line was really stand out to me. This is the best verse I have seen from you yet. sage: You started off with the opening bar and I was like damn that was a real nice way to start this out. The flow was flawless. Content wise I feel you had it in the beginning just there were certain sections where it just felt choppy and it lost its quality of being smooth flow wise. shatter again and scattered in vain is an example I would use. I feel your accent is the cause of this as well? Also the content was nice pretty much through out your entire drop but there was a couple sections I would have worded different and changed your rhyme scheme up. the mirror terror line I thought was really nice and went very well with the picture. Also the feeling tighter part was nice too. You really started to come better the latter part of your verse. I liked how you ended it. The concept you chose really came to light in the end and you were descriptive and have a decent flow. Nice verse overall MVGT: nomedic...I felt he was a bit more clearer and I liked the way his content portrayed the picture plus the twist at the end. good work by both writers


Dono Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 03 January 2015 Status: Offline Points: 14	Posted: 13 January 2015 at 7:29pm
	Nomedic: Dope piece. Smooth rhyming. Strong story progression, details were on point, emotions were high. My only real question was what actually to the husband, there's some hints and clues but it's not really clear exactly what happened. I don't even know if that's a detriment to the piece, just something I would have preferred to have seen a little more clearly because it influenced the piece so strongly. Sage: I like this angle a lot. You really pushed the first person perspective of someone who doesn't find themselves as good enough. My only real issues is some of the details didn't quite add up to make the whole thing as strong as Nomedic's. For example she see's herself as pale and unhealthy, but continues? That doesn't really make sense to me. Vote to Nomedic for a highly polished piece.

Titu Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 04 July 2013 Location: 🔥 Hell 🔥 Status: Offline Points: 4522 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-19-0 Form: WWWWWW	Posted: 14 January 2015 at 2:16pm
	Nom: Good verse. You started it off pretty nicely. Flow was good during the most of its part. Overall it was good but for the sake of vote, i need to talk about some other things aswell. You see, your metaphors were nice but some came out a bit forced. Like that labrynth/mattress. Im not saying It wasnt working, but they work in audio better than they work in text. It kind puts the reader off a bit. Your imagery was really nice and some bars were really touching. But one thing, It was kinda you associated the picture with an event (which is perfectly fine) and scriptured it. But I prefer a story more than I prefer these kinda writtens. Its just my personal prefference. The reason behind it (you can agree or disagree) , I knew it from the first few bars what its all about. It kind makes the reader loose the interest. It kills the suspense. Just saying... I loved the ghost part the most. Imagery was nice in there and it was relateable. Sage: Before I say anything, your structure look a bit untidy. It wont affect my vote but im just saying that It puts a negative impression. Anyways, Good. First of all, your vocablary was better. I liked that you didnt hesitate using the complex word. But at some points you lost the flow. Your imagery was really nice and the last part was the strongest for me. The thing I said for Nom goes for you too. It was a lil predictable for me. Others might disagree but thats how I see it. And at some places your rhymings were forced. But other than that, It was nice. Both verses were good and it was pretty close for me. Tho i really liked sage's imagery but MVGT Nom for overall better verse. It includes mostly the technical aspects like metaphors and flow. Sage's verse had better imagery but not that better to make me overlook the other aspects. V/Nom
	Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.

levy420 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 22 May 2013 Location: San Antonio TX Status: Offline Points: 3443 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 39-33-4 Form: LWWLLN	Posted: 14 January 2015 at 3:11pm
	First of all this was a tough pic props to both for bringing a good storyline with each piece Nomedic I liked your aproach the ryhme skeem was enjoyable as well you kept a nice flow an it held the piece together well vocabulary was nice as usual with all your drops I personally enjoyed reading this describing a womans pain after loosing there other half good job Sage U took a different approach an it worked just kinda lost me hear an there I get u were taking the prospective of a woman being subconcious of how she looks what made me not get as sucked into it as I was to nomedics is I found it hard to keep track of where the story was going it was kinda all over the place your vocabulary was there the flow was a lil choppy but there. For the most part the thing that hurt u in my eyes was how u developed the story no hate this was a good attempt an I like how u thought outside the box but I gotta go with nomedic for a more pollished topical verse Mvgt- nomedic
	I'll explode at the drop of a dime like proximity mines

Cuba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12332 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW	Posted: 14 January 2015 at 9:42pm
	Nomedic - Really sick verse, loved the way you crafted your verse...liked the way you switched the schemes and I think you really brought some depth to the picture, which I enjoyed. One stage I thought you were dropping hidden clues about her husband dying overseas in the war but I guess that must've just been a coincidence. Genuinely think this will be a really tough verse to top. There were a couple of places where the flow was a little rougher than in others, but I think that's more down to how well the best bits rolled off the tongue. sage - I think you had a decent verse but it was almost overwritten...flow was a bit awkward in places because the lines just expanded out and I think you were a bit 'wordy', both in that you probably tried to show off a bit with your vocab and in the sense that you were over descriptive in places. Ultimately I didn't feel your concept resonated as well with me as nomedic's did. Overall I'd say this was a decent verse that wasn't executed as well as it could've been, I think maybe a bit more focus on the concept and a little less on 'dressing it up'. So yeah, for me I think nomedic had a better interpretation of the topic and executed the verse to a higher standard. Therefore he gets my vote. Vote = nomedic


The Law Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW	Posted: 15 January 2015 at 9:08pm
	5-1 Nomedic wins. Honestly, it should have been a 3-0 knockout. We all know what the one post, vote and dip shit was. There will be stricter voting rules come tournament time.
	Go my Minions!