Topic ClosedIdentity crisis: IC Round 1: Battler 2 vs Battler 15

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Direct Link To This Post Topic: IC Round 1: Battler 2 vs Battler 15
    Posted: 17 January 2015 at 3:54am
Identity Crisis: Round 1
- 30-40 Lines 3-0KO or First to 5
- Battlers will be anonymous
- Votes will be hidden
- Sunday January 25th, Midnight GMT time
Check your time here

If you reveal who you are to someone and I find out, you are immediately disqualified.
If you don't vote and end up winning the tournament, money will be taken off the prize.

Voting rules:
Votes will be hidden and need to be approved my a moderator.
 Please vote in the thread, and it will be revealed at the end of the battle. (Don't PM them)
Voters must have 250 posts to vote (I think there was a couple shady votes last round)

Battler 2 Career: CEO

Battler 15 Career: Plumber
Go my Minions!


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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 January 2015 at 2:38am

Battler 2
CEO

Walking briskly into the office meeting dressed to impress
10 of us in a cramped room that didn't offer seating to less
Calling us to attention, sitting silent as the floors creaking with steps
A competition to be behind a multi-million dollar desk
He handed out tiny seeds, our faces puzzled & confused
Oval shaped it lay waiting to grow discolored & bruised
We have a year to produce the most beautiful flower
Whoever succeeded will be given this suitable power
Odd but true, over the weeks I cherished the seed as my own
Holding conversations with it, stories about weekend I told
Gave it sunlight, oxygen & water, I studied how frequent it should grow
As time passed the terracotta pot was peaceful & alone
I tried different methods google searches & pintrest lessons
Thinking maybe a simple switch the flower would get aggressive..
..& rise, finally cracking as the green peaked in life
I swore I seen it, my wife said to just believe its right
I'm speechless, a half of a year & nothing has happened
Not a glimpse of hope, maybe it was something with passion
I'm so embarrassed, my co-workers are describing their blossoming seeds
Oranges & reds, flamboyant colors told with swashbuckling greed
My stomach flipped when I learned of their promising peaks
My heart was crushed because their words had nothing in common with me
The day has come, a full year for growing & a position to be filled
I told my wife I was going to buy a plant with no admission of the guilt
I can't face these people & show them I'm a failure
But she convinced me to take only the seed & go with nature
I complied unwillingly, taking in a useless seed in fruitful dirt
The laughs, the pointing & mocking with brutal words
It was all truthful, I felt stupid showing only futile work
Laughing it off my mind shut down my body & all I could do was smirk
Judgment time, he examined every impressive flower closely
Commenting on the peddles softness & the spring-like smells mostly
When he got to me, he announced I was to take his seat
Astonished, befuddled & at the same time feeling great relief
He said, I gave you all seeds but they were boiled & dead
They could not grow, no matter any sunlight or water fed
You bought these amazing plants to deceive me consciously
When all along, I was planting a seed of honesty

Go my Minions!


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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 January 2015 at 2:39am
Battler 15
Plumber


This ain't no superficial story, fun and games like Mario Brothers
Makes me wonder if the priest has belief when he marries those lovers
Yes we were young, but she was Peach and those cheeks was WOWSER!
So I needed a profession to keep her out the reach of Bowsers...
Coz on those streets are prowlers who'd snatch her given a chance
And without coin you can get knocked so we didn't advance
Stuck on the level, but yo, felt like we were falling backwards
As if I was a failure, a general in war taking cautious actions
When it rains it pours, but for leaks, we turn to specialists
So when he came I was amazed, like "can I learn this method, Sid?"
"Ain't nothing special kid," he said "in fact don't mention it"
"But if you're interested, we have an upcoming apprenticeship"
Well shit, I was on it, threw my heart and soul into the craft
And Sid was so impressed, aghast, he'd witness my graft
And throw me challenges so tough I'd be knee deep in shit
Sewage all over my boots, wrenching, but no ounce of quit
So he came to me with a proposition "if you're willing to listen"
"How about we set up on our own?" A much more fulfilling position
So I was in without a second thought, and those hours were tough
But I ain't made of cowardly stuff, built with the power to rough
out the difficulties and the pressure it brought at home
Money got tighter and ashamed to say we fought, it froze
The raging hot flame that was once our passion together
Is our love lasting forever? Nah, we'll be matching in heaven
My princess Peach and her now portly but punchy plumber
But I was so blind, could've been cast in Dumb & Dumber
Thought we loved each other and that would be enough...
But evidentially my queen had other needs and stuff
And where she turned, it burned, and scorched my business
With no remorse the whore was fucking who?! Of course it's Sid, BITCH!!
And the experienced mother fucker knew what he was doing
Handy man at heart and now it's me that he's screwing
Coz he's ripped my soul out and now they're moving away
"It's for the best" they claim, and maybe it's stupid to say
But I was kind of relieved when Sid offered me a cut price for his stake
"Buy me out for both of our sakes", felt like my life was a waste
So it was his slice I would take, fuck, what a reckless decision
Coz the cunt had cooked the books, and effectively hidden
A massive tax bill that was due so now I'm bouncing cheques
And I'm 40 this June, so shit, what the fuck am I gonna do next?!

Go my Minions!


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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 January 2015 at 9:29am
battler 2
I thought you had a really cool verse your approach on the topic was really sick especially your plot which I found to be a real crazy approach cause comparing how it started and how it ended I couldn't predict where its going flow wise I thought you did a great job aswell you had some nice scheme, and internals which made your delivery polished and clean over all a very enjoyable read
 
battler 15
 
you also had an advanced rhyme structure solid flow and clean schemes and internals the plot was really nice took liked the tragic end that followed after a promising future really deep the character you wrote about really went through alot of shit which made you verse also an enjoyable read
 
this was a close one considering how both battlers had strong attributes in delivery but I felt the plots were not so evenly matched I felt battler 15 had a nice verse but it wasn't as potent as battler 2's plot
 
mvgt battler 2
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 January 2015 at 10:05pm
Battler 2
CEO
First up I really liked the story you had to tell and the message it brings with the closing line
this flowed well and was easy to read, did feel a little simple at times regarding the rhyming elements and some of the word choice just didnt sit right....example "swashbuckling"
My main problem with this is that I dont feel you got at the topic well enough and that let you down!!!
Nice verse though.............well done!



Battler 15
Plumber
Loved how you opened this up with the mario shitt and then used that to lead on with a reason to become a plumber/earn money....it was a cool angle of approach, wish the first bar had been better!!!!
Do think the sideline story of yo love life did add a great twist and the fact Sid shafted you and yo misses was classic
Rhyming was strong mostly...some nice transitions
You had some good word  choice and placement working with the plumber theme that showed a well developed skill


Great battle here guys........Really enjoyed both reads
Vote Plumber.........He just showed that extra skill and did hit the topic better


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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 January 2015 at 7:08pm
CEO- Loved the direction you took with this topic.  A wide range of options were avialible and you surprised me.  Which is a good thing.  The flow was there for the most part. The closer of the verse was nice.  Finished it off perfect.  Topic was a good story.  You were lacking multis I thought in the verse.  There are some but not a whole lot.  Plus some interal rhymes might have set it off even better.

Plumber- This was an interesting direction you took with this.  Loved the Mario Bros theme.  If was a decent fit, at the beginning.  I thought you strayed away from that,  toward the middle a little too much.  I think you should of stayed with that, kinda told a story with all the charaters.  Flow was alright, multis were lacking and some interals would of set it off nicely.

Overall- I thought the CEO took this, just for the fact that I liked the verse better.  Both verses lacked multis and interals that would have made it read better.  Both had creative approaches, but the Plumber I thought strayed away from what could've been a winning verse.  No shame in either.

CEO GMV
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 January 2015 at 10:10pm
First verse wooowwwww what a creative angle. I thought you started it off kinda slow, but it definently began to pick up. You really did a great job of putting the emotion of him not being able to grow his plant into the verse.

I'm so embarrassed, my co-workers are describing their blossoming seeds
Oranges & reds, flamboyant colors told with swashbuckling greed
My stomach flipped when I learned of their promising peaks
My heart was crushed because their words had nothing in common with me

I thought those two bars really helped bring out the emotions to the reader. The closing line was just brilliant. I loved how it ended, and it also shows how greed made his coworkers lie just to get a chance at getting the job. Flow wise it fell off in some points but the story telling was excellent.


15 - I thought your verse was very interesting. It had pluses and minuses for me. In my humble opinion it was a little hard for me to follow just because it kinda jumped from peach then to his experiences with training with sid then getting cheated on. It was interesting none the less, I just wish it could have been blended smoother for an easier read. I liked how you added humor to the verse that was a nice touch. I also peeped how you transitioned Sid from basically putting him on game about plumbing and then screwing him over in the end twice. Overall it was not a bad verse at all, I think a few wording issues could help improve it and I also think the different situations within the story could have been blended a little better and I only say that bc I had to reread a couple times to understand exactly what was going on. Overall great battle but my vote goes to battler 2....cant wait to see who wrote these
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 January 2015 at 9:13pm
Battler 2:  Holy fucking shit.  This was so creative.  What a concept.  This is def one of the best topiclas I have read in a long time.  I dont know how you came up with this story but you should pat yourself on the back.  When It first started I was like where the hell is he going with this.  The way you were descriptive in certain parts like describing the other peoples flowers was really nice.  You were able to keep the flow on point this the majority of the entire verse.  The ending is what really caught my eye.  The seed of honesty.  Damn.  Props on this rite here.

Battler 15:  I like how you intergraded the whole mario bros. concept into it.  You had a couple creative lines with that.  I wasnt feeling the wowzers part tho.  Your flow was on point for the most part and your story was creative and it kept my interest the entire time.  The twist you threw in there with the wife cheating on you and then basically the same due cheating you by faking the numbers and making you buy him out.  That was very creative.  Great work

Damn this is hard as hell to pick a winner.  Both really came with some really nice topicals but MVGT Battler 2.  This was a close one but battler 2 was pretty much flawless and concept wise I just think it it was very unique

dope battle rite here

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 January 2015 at 12:18am
Battler 2 - First off this struck me as a mature piece. It took a little while to get going and really wasn't sure where the story was going, but i liked the direction you took it. I also thought it was a pretty original take on the career.I liked the twist towards the end and it gave it a some depth of meaning to the story. The flow was decent for the most part. Didn't see alot of intricate rhymes other than the end multi's but that didn't take away from it for me. Nice Work - Solid story.

Battler 15 - Very different piece than the first. Straight off the bat while i did like the mario brother backdrop/references i think it wasn't necessary. It had some twists and turns to the story and you included multiple character as well as dialogue. Balance all of these elements isn't easy and while i think you did a decent go f it. I would of left out the dialogue, as it stuttered the flow for we and made me re read the lines a couple of times. I do think as well your twist didn't have the power of battler 2. You through in some internals but your multi's weren't as clean for me. I think this would of beat some other pieces, you just got a hard draw this time. Good effort.

But my vote has to go to battler 2 as this was one of my favorite pieces from this round.
#bananas
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 January 2015 at 12:58am
Battler 2: This was an okay verse, your opening bar was weirdly worded in my opinion I read and reread it many times and each time I thought it was weird. The rest was decent, had a nice storyline and some okay rhymes. Some were forced/stretched but it didn't detract much from the verse overall.

Battler 15: This was a nice verse, you had some crazy Multis here. I liked the Mario references you had it added a nice touch the interaction between characters was good as well, it added depth the verse. You had a good flow throughout the verse and shown off a good knowledge of writing.

Props on the battle a good battle but one battler has edged this one with a more complete verse and that is...

Battler 15
The Amount of Fucks given: Zero
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 January 2015 at 2:30am
5-1 / 5-2 if you count Shankleys vote. 

Battle 2 wins and is moving on to the next round. 

These verses may not be posted in the OM until the end of the tournament. Good luck. 
Go my Minions!


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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 February 2015 at 8:41pm
Battler 2 is disqualified for plagiarism.
Seed of Honesty

He did not bite lyrics per say but the story itself and the way it is progressive is without a doubt %100 plagiarize. After further review and discussion you will be receiving a Dq, a two suspension, and won't be allowed in my future tournaments as you can not be trusted now.

The story aspect of a topical is a huge part of writing it. It may not be rhyme for rhyme, but line for line was that exact story. As for the voting that praised the concept, would have definitely went the other way if they would have known that not only the concept but the story was stolen even down to the part where the wife talks to him and he's gonna be embarrassed.

With that said battler 15 will now be advancing.
Go my Minions!


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