Heat Wave: HW Topical (Rd 1) - Sal v Sky Scrapur

Storyteller round - This round will be aimed at "story" topics, forcing you to make the most of your 16 lines

Battle F "Storyteller Battle": Story of an Emotion: Tell a story that hinges on one emotion, you do not have to have felt the emotion before.

Best of 3 votes from JUDGES

Sky Scrapur

Sexual Experience

It felt like a perfect time, meeting by the river banks,
swear it was an urgent crime ,kissing with my sister's friend,
the one with a dirty mind, stealing with em eager hands,
the one who stole my sacred heart, living by this iller trend,

she was hot as fuck, i could feel my hardness boasting,
hearts throbbing, the sensual moment ghosting,
as lips danced contemporary, and throats vocalising,
lovers stripping in shallow waters, silly skins socialing,

she slid her fingers up my shirt, i caught a fever,
adrenalin rush niggas, i was ready enough ta fill her,
trying magic on her nipples, she cried for a finger,
rubbing down her cookie, she sighed "O ma healer",

My dad could hear my groans during the night,
mom had to come check ma room, everything alright?,
my dick in salutation, seein the stunt she had to scream,
so i woke up panting, ow fuck! It was Just a wet dream.

That opening stanza was nice, very smooth and the inners added to the complexity. You didnt reveal what exactly he was doing which made me want to keep reading. Second part didnt have the same impact to me as the first but flowwise it remained on point and I thought it helped move the story along rather then hinder it. LMFAO ok this shit was absolute comedy I was not expecting this at all. I love stories like this that dont reveal anything until almost the end. Good shit dal

Scrape
By all means you didnt have a BAD verse but this is where the experience comes in. I was impressed by what you tried to do in your first set of bars. It was an attempt at an advanced scheme which is not easy at all especially when your doing two diff sets of syllables each line. These are very strict and look the best when the syllables rhyme dead on while still making sense with the story. I would suggest checking out CHAIN sworded exo or nigma to see some really good examples of this at work. those last two lines in the third section stood out like a sore thumb to me. I didnt think those lines fit in well at all.....o my healer i cant imagine a chick saying that when im about to fuck her idk...but you brought it back in the last section and ended it with a nice twist. You have the right ideas bro you just have to work on vocab, multis, and crafting your verse to read a lot cleaner. Keep writing bro and you will get there.

This was a good battle but I give it to sal. Almost similar stories with the twists at the end but Sal just came with vet experience that gave him the win