Heat Wave: HW Topical (Rd 1) - J Brenn v Mission

Storyteller round - This round will be aimed at "story" topics, forcing you to make the most of your 16 lines

Battle D "Storyteller Battle": Story of a Belief: Tell a story of a belief that changed the world, you can share this belief or disagree with it.

Best of 3 votes from JUDGES

Mission

From Holocaust to Hallowed Walls

Apparently the word pig is synonomous with Jews these days
If you're a German citizen you're race has to be proved each day
To be quite Frank, Anne ain't the only Jew in danger
Hitler's gassing up their fams in concentration camps like Exon stations
And why this constant hatred? It's their faith and native races
Praying to Jehovah, livin Kosher, on their daily basis
Kind of comical how back in Egypt they were captive slaves
And Hitler claims the German third reich to be the master race
But when he lost the war and lost his life the tide was turned
The Jews were free to go and seen as more then pigs or dirt
They went back to their homeland took a desert made it florish
And now it's not their bodies only dough that's getting burned
The richest business men alive identify with Israel
Oil tycoons and scientists poetic justice is real
Once thought to be the slaves under a master race but
Now the 100 meter race master is a Jewish female
That's real...

J - I like the way you started this. It was like the build up.. to setting the tone. Usually with a 16, I'd set the tone in the first bar, giving you the remaining 14 lines to utilize the topic - but this was cool. It was like the precursor bar.
Didn't get the 4th line though. Seemed a bit meaningless no matter which way I tried to read it. Maybe it was the punctuation that threw it off? I dunno. Sorta took the edge off your opener a bit.
I'm still not getting what your 'belief' is about yet, and we're 4 lines in.

"AAAhhh stop now you're just warping me more don't you see...
You're causing war'ing when i started of as a mooring for peace..."
^^^ that was a dope bar!

Still not aware of what this belief is yet, other than assuming the obvious which is that you're a being who people talk about a lot.

Next few lines, felt like you packed a bit too much in sometimes, however, if was good how you've used the second half of your verse, more or less, to show you're disagreeing with their actions or whatever.
I'll say it again man - I'm STILL not aware what this belief actually was. And I'm done with the verse now.
Was you a god? A gangster? A hero?
I liked the verse, but felt like it coulda been more detailed. I know you only had 16 lines, but if you'd of explained who you were, and why these people 'believed' in you - it woulda left you room to go into detail a bit more.


Mission - loved your opener. That's what I felt your opponent lacked - a straight to the point bar letting me know what it's about. Nice little wordplay in the second (Anne Frank), but I thought it coulda kept with the polished opener theme, and ended with multis. Ya coulda thought of some word to rhyme with 'Exon' instead of 'Jew'. Plus you used the word 'Jew' already in the opening line so was a bit too soon.
Next bar weren't too bad. Jews don't pray to Jehovah though. I think it's YHVH which is the closest word they have to what gods name is, as old scriptures were missing letters. It's a misconception that YHVH sounds like Jehovah. But that ain't really a negative to your verse though. It was still a pretty decent bar. Points for the multis & internals.
Liked the next 2 bars. They flowed nice & had a kinda 'Nas - I can' feel to it.
Next bar had the same feel, which is good - and I don't know if your back-rhyme was intentional, but that was pretty cool.
Oh, you did the same with the closer (back-rhyme), so the previous one was clearly intentional. Nice way to finish it up.

I felt like Mission's verse was more detailed, which made it easier to grasp for the reader, cuz the 'belief' side of it was much clearer. Both decent verses though so nice one.. it was an enjoyable read.

MVGT - Mission

Brenn is eliminated and, despite his ban for no showing in the last round of the text tourney, Mission advances to round 2 of Heat Wave to face Exo