1-2 Punch League: Jackbars vs Slip[0-2] (12 week 4)

You know the  rules

 

Slip:  I thought this was a decent verse, but still on the raw side.  I thought the setup could have been tighter cuz the direction in concept changed from the beginning of the line to its end.  I really like that the punch logically followed the setup (I like complete bars).  But while the setup was jack specific, the punch wasn't really.  So interesting angle, but the punch coulda been harder.  nice litttle scheme too

 

Jack:  so it's coming. like Crim I felt that it read clunky.  I didn't think the setup really work here as the angle was non-specific.  I don't mind self hype as long as you really make the contrast clear.  So on to the punch.  So having started with a flawed setup, your punch had to make up for it.  You did come with a shot that identified your opponent, but it was merely an name insertion.  There wasn't a name play or any sort of relevance attached to it.  If you look at it, how does the 'Alter Egos leader' bit enhance the punch?  could have just as easily said 'They say life is short hence the death of this Droid comes quickly"...essentially it was an 'insert here' type of play.

 

so vote to Slip and props to both

Slip: It wasn't a bad bar with the nameplay, calling him corny and tying it in but the ending fell flat to me. It was good up until that point but it ultimately came off as a statement or a set up for a better bar. Well structured though.

Jack: That was kind of all over the place man, like with the random hillbilly reference and stuff. I appreciate you using his crew name in the punch, which kinda fit but not enough to make it an impactful punch. The direction was ok but it missed for me.

Vote - Slip