Identity Crisis 2: IC2 Round One: Battler 12 vs Battler 21 - 21 WINS

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Battler 12:  Your opening 2 bars were cool.  The first bar the flow was off a tad bit.  I kinda like the direction your brining the concept.  With the comparing lifes struggles to the train and tracks.  A little bit too literal but it can work.  

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Battler 12

Derailed

struggles are like a train hurtling towards me
Steaming ahead with curdling horns torturing me
curving tracks grasp my wrists and hands with conformity
Spikes asserting force into my ribs and back with authority
the majority lets the train run its course with collision
No resisting, no vision to escape its sorcery
indecision hurling towards reality, pleading for mercy and contrition
imprisoned, shackled at the tracks waiting for one t' listen
This loco motive has us tethered to our emotions
hogtied nd broken, We try and avoid it but its hopeless
Struggle is the trojan horse to be awoken
deer in headlights, we see the train and we're frozen
Cant cope with it, clinching rails like a nose is in some coke shit
Railroad ties broken, our problems soaking in and choking
we see the smoke nd lies but try to avoid it
High serotonin, walls growing on this railroad nd'....
Whistles blowing nd i feel our minds exploding

(nice opening the emotion here via tension and suspense what nice,made the reader
read this with pace,it had an urgency about it,the wording/placement were good also,
i'll also give you credit here for sticking quite close to the picture in this segment,your
imagery was present and firing as well,yeah I really liked the anxiety this presented,
good start..)

This system is controlling every little moment
zoning into the growing poison and we contract the cancer
When the train hits, we asked for disaster
stepping off the tracks were i know it will pass first
Im in a chapter of life where im getting faster
I hear the horns and when its calling, i answer
I have crafted a steady spine nd back of serenity
When struggle approaches, i let it help paint my legacy
with my legs free i can mentally block my enemies
some dreadfully get ran over while im climbing Everest's Peak
So whats the remedy?
Trains devilishly wreak havoc on us endlessly
Im on a plain of reality seeking for its pleasantry
got off the tracks of sanity and hitched a ride with destiny

Derailed the negativity like a 6 stack of ecstasy...

(the tempo/flow was a constant throughout this piece,relating the picture to feelings
and situations was a solid effort that i appreciated,(not only are we on a track in life,
but when things go bad in life we then hits points and become on the track of disaster),
they are symbolic to is all in a fashion,when someone's crazy we say he's gone off the
rails,this is the essence you captured here within this verse,it's about the symbolic
vibe we have with rail,the metaphoric content was quite subtle within also,the depiction
was nice due to details provided here,i liked this drop,it was a solid read..)




Battler 21

It was rainy and wet as I wept at the station awaiting a train
To take me to Texas; impatiently pacing like leopards in cages
At circus occasions, my granny was sick & the nurses were saying
They needed a kidney to urgently save her! Emergency prayers
From the clergy at church, at First Mary Hall, where Big Mama worked
As she served as a clerk ... maintaining their records for 33 years
Was worried and feared she'd pass on the gurney as surgery neared
I Was nervous and scared cos the verdict's unclear: if I'd make it in time
Or burn in despair!?! Fermented tears full of burbon and beers
Cos I cracked opened bottles with pearly veneers, before I arrived
To deal with the fear: the thought of her dying ... not having her here
More than can bear, it'd be more than just bad, to wake up one morning
And know that she's dead, so morbid and sad, still mourning my dad
"Morgan...be back" was the last thing he said ... before he collapsed
On the hospital bed; autopsy read: "...man mortally wounded in motorist crash"

(damn a lot of misery in this segment,the character family seem to have more bad luck than the Kennedy's..lol,the rhyme scheme you used here was quite advanced really,in most parts it worked,there were some draw backs though,as it didn't quite come off in the opening lines,pretty fucking Bolshie i must say,plus to use this scheme suggest your oozing confidence also,your verse read with pace as the inner rhyme scheme aided this,a nice start with sprite here..)

Remortgaged the pad, cos the mortician's tab, was more than we had
Cos a shortage of cash was always an issue! "Daddy, I miss you ...
& wish I was with you ... as long as I live I'll never forget you"
I said in my head ... soul fractured in fractions like fragmented glass!

"So tragic and sad ... your miserable life. It's pitiful, right?
You're taught to believe in some miracle, Christ! Hysterical, hype!
I'm Barington Write, 'The Baron of Death & Burial Rites'
Your chariot ride is soon to arrive, driven by Cheron 'The Spiritual Guide'"

"The Ferryman?"

"Aye!"

"You're scary, man. Bye."

"You married the night and it came at a price. I spared you a life
Now it's time to comply. A deal is a deal" he swiftly replied
Nefarious eyes and sinister grin: a midget and menace
Who's business was sin! Like Rumpelstillskin. "Remember this pen?
You signed on the line so that grandma could live!" The station went dim
& filled with a mist as images flickered I witnessed events -- the things that I did
My life in a glimpse! As quick as it ended reality hit! I died on the day
A year to this date, but didn't remember cos limbo replays indefinite loops
As I waited for trains to catch the caboose & take me to Heaven or Hell if it's true!

(I do love to read Mythology in pieces,but the miss spelling of Charon was a noticeable
error here,not a huge problem on the whole,just hard to skate around and ignore for
me,but that aside i did enjoy the banter mid section of this segment,i also liked the
flurry of multi's within too,the reference to Rumplestillskin/sin,was done nice as it just
gave the impression that your layering your lines,and to be honest i enjoyed this segment better than the 1st,it had more depth to it,and the selling of one's soul was a
nice inclusion also,(when faced with deaths,we as a race would do almost all we could
or can to prevent it,grief is a powerful side effect for our actions,as highlighted here,
i also liked how you closed out with uncertainty,overall an entertaining read that gave
me a kick..)


Overall good tussle guys,a hard battle to call in all honesty,both pieces i had to read a couple of time before i made this choice,but for me Battler 12 just managed to scan it,their piece was more in tune with the picture,and more to my liking,Battler 21 I did like your diversity you brought here with your offering,just today you was unlucky for me..props to both.

Vote..battler 12..peace.

Battler 21 wins 3-1.