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iLL ScriptureZ 
Standard Member 
Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
 Topic: [BAE] Ridley Squat vs The Rap Daemon (2-1)Posted: 03 October 2018 at 4:46pm |
 Topical Battle: "A Scar" 16 Lines Due Friday, Oct 12 Edited by Endeavor - 18 October 2018 at 7:56am |
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The Rap Daemon
Standard Member
Joined: 05 August 2015 Location: Purgatory Status: Offline Points: 1108 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-14-0 Form: LWLWWL |
Posted: 04 October 2018 at 3:05pm |
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Keys being used to freely creep in to people's feelings Trynna find those with rage characteristics puts a deeper meaning To screening, where CAPS portray screams and successful readings Posting family pics, jokes on tragedies which send a dude Over angriest trips, trolls are actual pricks poking at mental wounds And they can boast a reaction which, gets them views A 'right cut' to innocence, has got it 'left, marooned' Has people like me lobbing insults like tourettes syndrome But, in all this fūckery, we're the one's getting thrown Set in stone, that what's on the electrics will then hit home A true burn of trollsome nature leaves us angst with a red skin tone And we can try and hit back, with loud words, deafening violence But on a screen, those efforts of fighting are effectively silent They ain't hurt, and they don't know the real damage of their own smacks It stacks to mental anger and outbursts, scars resembling the phone cracks. |
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Faggot
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Ridley Squat
Street Team 
Joined: 20 November 2015 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 830 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-6-0 Form: WWWWLW |
Posted: 12 October 2018 at 11:17pm |
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Ms X, tell me again about your dream ... Well, I'm on the beach in the Land of Nod, beyond the reach of the hand of God I'm not asleep but I stand in shock, my body's freezing but the sand is hot I'm stranded, lost, with monsters creeping, a man accosts me, noxious breathing Masked by the dark, so I can't see that far, just the scar on his palm that stops me screaming ... Doctor, tell me, what's the meaning? ... cos I think I might not be dreaming! These are common themes in lots of dreams ... our past's are 'monsters in disguise' And that constant feeling, of not quite healing ... 'scars' are often symbolised I sympathise you're stigmatised, but it's hard to get you hypnotised ... (3) if you can't relax until you've checked the palms of every single guy (2) It's ill advised, to live your life, so strictly by that Hitchcock-vibe (1) You'll see "my" hands are spotless ... (cos "that" plot twist, is a bit contrived!) (and sleep.) OK, we got another sleeper ... (nice arse & face for a basket case!) If you wanna come and meet her, bring the parcel tape for the arm restraints You forgot your gloves last week though ... so please don't make me ask again! I know I'm not my brothers keeper ... I'm not the fucker either with the Mark of Cain! |
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member
Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
Posted: 16 October 2018 at 8:02pm |
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TRD: I really enjoyed your approach here. You hit the nail on the head with online bullying leaving a scar and you used online forums as a vehicle that this can occur. This actually hits home a little bit for me being as the bully on another site where I dissed someone particularly harshly. On another note, I think you're rhymes were good, content was constant with the theme and brought together each line. However, I did think you had some wording issues which took away from the impact of some lines. This was not major by any means but two "likes" in your Tourettes line, as well as some of the beginning parts of your lines, were unneeded, in my opinion.
Ridley: The opener was really bouncy man. I liked the sway of the multis in it which gave it a nice feel. As far as content, you went with a story rather than what your opponent did. The woman in the story is seeing a doctor out of fear what she is dreaming is actually a reality. The twist of this story was developed well. I was unsure at first and was frankly thrown off by the (numbers) in parenthesis. As we went further, it got darker and realized she was under his hypnosis which is a cool ass concept. Creative take on this Rids! MVGT: Ridley Squat
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Sammy
Site Moderator 
Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2227 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
Posted: 17 October 2018 at 4:14am |
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Man this battle was very close in my eyes.
Rap daemon - I always find some semblance of enjoyment with These meta approach and this was no different. I like how u dissected the full spectrum of textceeing dynamics in an almost cultural manner. Screams are caps - a phenomenon bred from texting to emote. The mean spirited maneuver many of us use as a form of....something. It’s a very poignant verse bro. I actually liked it a lot. I think the only drawback is later down the road it got a bit redundant. With the exploratory nature if the verse, I was hoping you were able to draw some personal conclusion to this community of ours as oppose to simply identifying the number nuances. But overall great verse. Ridley - can I be honest with u, I put u in the top 5 writer in LA. I can’t believe u were able to tell a complete story in 16 lines! This piece, I believe, tells of a hypnotist who uses his profession for depraved measure. It was a nice little thriller that propose that demons of the internal trait is almost as bad as demons of the external. I love the paralleling here.my one qualm is that it really left me wanting more. Perhaps I’m being unfair as u can only scribble within rule confine but u did it sonknterestignky that it lent itself to critiques of the unreasonable kind. Something was missing. Well both verses had much high and similar lows. RD took a traditional “topical” approach whereas RS took a story route. Both were very good but one left me less closure than the other. With that said, I have to cast my vote in Rap Daemon’s favor because I think his had more of a closure. I thought the writing were of even ground. Rid has more terms of creativity but daemon has more soul (no pun intended). So yeah rood is still one of my fav but this battle, I think I’m gonna give it to daemon. |
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Endeavor
Senior Moderator
Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW |
Posted: 17 October 2018 at 8:34am |
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So, it's going to be up to me, huh?
TRD: Internet bullying is a thing, goddammit! I like this verse a lot. You brought life to a pretty broad subject like "scars". I mean everything is possible and whilst reading your verse I at first thought how this was going to tie in with the whole scars subject that closing line was fire. Throughout the verse you had quotables. Think of "CAPS portray screams", "tourettes syndrome" and the "deafening silence" bar. I have to agree with iLL with some lines being somewhat shaky in wording and I, personally, had some issues with flow. I think the sort of 'top down view story' you presented was concise and clear.
Ridley: Like Sammy, I also think you're one of the top writers here. You hardly drop but when you drop it's fireflames. This story had me hooked and also left me kinda disappointed. You delivered a story in 16 and while the closer is fitting, it left me wanting for me. I had mad questions like... What's truly his motive? How many been before her? And I could truly go on. As for the verse itself, flow was dope, wording was very descriptive and dope. MVGT: Ridley Even with the few issues TRD has I really think his verse was good. This has nothing to do with the battle itself, but you shown growth over the years man. Keep it up! |
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#Bananas
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member
Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
Posted: 17 October 2018 at 1:10pm |
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Congrats to Ridley with the 2-1 victory...
Ridley is now 2-0 and will be moving on.
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