Heat Wave: HW Text (Rd 1): Beans v DJ Flame

Beans

see...
kid slept on more than his dead parents, watch me punch in his face
recite ya Lyrics @ their grave to let'm know they made a fuckin mistake
put u in a headlock @ their rest spot, i wanna expose u brother
& slowly cut ya neck so the blood pour on their stone till U get to know eachother
u been weak, fist Fuel the fire to burn a cheater till ya skin reak
styles exposed you being Toxxic, flame..& still U couldnt fire up a win streak
than ya bitch @ mods like it ya job, cock sucker cut that shit out!
If the staff wanted any lip from you? faggot, they'd pull their dick out!
'tough guy" s'not in ya bloodline, ya song made me want my dome smothered
ya audios sound like bondz's bro who was born 9 months after he raped his own mother
I've pieced this text shit to its best fit & low tier's say this chump wack
plus no remedie or fix for writers block'll change the level ya carreers stuck @
u'v been a waste kid, face it... one slap put the fear in U
SS raise my arm! so dis-pose'll force Flame from droppin trash material
this killing here? mean u died the same age as ya mom, hope that bothers u
News flash, this newb wack was a rape accident. makes sense ya gramps fathered u

Beans, I liked your aggression. You came with some nice personals, though I think you could have done more with the parents thing. You had some clever bars in there, I especially liked the 'fire up a win streak line', that was hot (no pun intended). That was my favourite line in this whole battle. Some bars I weren't feeling, like the faggot/lip line, gay insults are kinda dry to me to be honest. But yeah, overall it's a nice first round verse, though I think if you want to go all the way you might need to pick it up a bit.

Flame, ok before even reading a thing I was thinking 'my god what a mess' seriously I think I've been telling you to work on your structure for ages now. Try and make your bars all of a similar length. The content itself was not terrible. You've definitely improved your creativity and ideas. The fat jokes ain't too effective, beans has put pics of himself up and I wasn't thinking 'jeez he's tubby' when I saw them. Some ok lines scattered thoughout but you have too many full stops breaking up your bars. It's probably your best work but I still don't think your on the level of Beans yet. Keep elevating though.

Winner: I give this to Beans. I liked the aggression and personals he brung to the table. Flame had some ok stuff but I don't feel as though he was on par with beans in this one.

I think this was pretty close...

Beans - interesting one to read, you had a lot of tenacity in the way you phrased your material but not sure that tenacity really translated into stinging shots / heavy hits against your opponent. I quite liked the way you opened it with darker material but the flip side of that is you effectively just did stylish jabs...I'm not really one for the "shock factor" type thing, so in other words, it doesn't impress me that you mention his dead parents, I'm looking more for you to turn that into a clever punch using wit / creativity, the use of the fact itself does nothing for me...next one again didn't land especially hard, I liked the way you worded that setup line, just worked, but I think you were dancing around the punch a little bit...same with the next one, I think your filler was really nice, but the punch was a bit basic...next punch was good, wasn't great because it did feel a bit like a bigger shot at Bondz, think you want to shift the focus more to Flame for the direct hit, but it was a good shot regardless...nice one was another nice jab, but at this stage it did kind of make me raise my eyebrow that you started off with a couple of jabs and then drop more jabs during the verse, when you've realistically got 8 punches at him...next one was ok, wordplay was a decent one but I think you crowbarred it in a bit...closer was a good punch, but limited by the fact you already used the dead parents angle.

Overall, I think you had some good foundations here, and it's not like you swung and missed at him...I personally would've liked to see one or two really solid shots in here just to round it off, I think you left yourself vulnerable in the battle by doing that and it wasn't really necessary.

Flame - first piece of advice would be to focus on delivering an effective punchline & worry about the rhyme later...it doesn't take a lot of skill to rhyme a whole bunch of multis if you make your line massive to accommodate them. If you can't condense your line down to the essence with the multi in then the multi needs to go, it's supposed to help you accentuate your rhythm, not substitute for a rhythm. The problem you had that it actually exaserbated your lack of heavy hits, so you were waiting so long for a punch and often it was "oh, that was a bit shit"...butter knife was the perfect example. You actually had a decent concept in there & a potentially really good punch, but you should've split that over two lines rather than trying to shoe horn it into one and throwing yourself off. Your structure was actually taking away from your punches, which is not a good thing...disses in the first two lines were good, direct, but executed very poorly. And that pretty much continued the whole way through, I think it's actually a shame because you easily could've won this judged on what Beans dropped...as it is you've made it a lot closer than it should've been based on you miswriting your verse and making it overly convoluted. Looking back on your verse again, I think you actually had some really solid ideas towards the end, I think the Verizon logo was a great idea, but you crowbarred the check-mark play in there which hurt the impact & I think that cypher punch could've been a truly great one had you set it up correctly...trying to force it over what is actually 3 lines rather than doing it over 4 or editing it down to the essence and doing it over 2. Closer was pretty poor.

So overall, I think you had the potential to win this & I think there is the bones of a winning verse in your drop, the problem for me is you failed to land what you had effectively and that has ultimately cost you the win in my eyes. It's like you had the perfect gameplan but then you go the ring and throw at the right stuff, but just at thin air...then Beans pops in, gets a clean but less powerful punch in there and gets out the danger zone.

So for me, Beans wins for dropping a cleaner and more impactful verse.

Vote = Beans