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The Law 
Site Moderator 
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
 Topic: IC Round 1: Battler 6 vs Battler 11Posted: 17 January 2015 at 3:58am |
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Identity Crisis: Round 1
- 30-40 Lines 3-0KO or First to 5 - Battlers will be anonymous - Votes will be hidden - Sunday January 25th, Midnight GMT time Check your time here If you reveal who you are to someone and I find out, you are immediately disqualified. If you don't vote and end up winning the tournament, money will be taken off the prize. Voting rules: Votes will be hidden and need to be approved my a moderator. Please vote in the thread, and it will be revealed at the end of the battle. (Don't PM them) Voters must have 250 posts to vote (I think there was a couple shady votes last round) Battler 6 Career: Television Host Battler 11 Career: High School Janitor |
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The Law
Site Moderator
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 26 January 2015 at 12:04am |
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Battler 6 Television Host I knew at a young age that I was born to start- the performing arts, climb the ladder and earn my mark- learn my part, the center of attention is what concerned my heart- confirm my smarts in the industry become a household name- and what got into me, did not sound the same- Bring fire to a show? they got endoused in flames- Interviewed multiple celebrities that were bound by fame- Came on my show just to surround my frame- from moments of utopia to screams that were loud in pain- The moments were surreal, overnight I became an icon- My ideas were not concealed, above my head always had the light on- Kept the fight on, and always tried to push the limit- but theres a dark side mixed with all the bullshit thats in it- The fame & fortune became off course when- All the booze & cocaine morphed with- My name and all the sponsors that endorsed it- No more porsche whips or some type of whore bitch- just an addiction that made me fein for more shit- Of course it, was the equivelant of hitting rock bottom- from Super stardom and not stoppin'- to pill poppin porn stars with hot bottoms- Now I got problems with debt and the cops locking- their sights on me for drugs and tax evasion- Lost my job for acting wasted, smokin crack & passin' base hits- Wish I could go back to nameless and ignore the facts im faced with- I miss the spotlight but I realize that I'm a quitter- Talked to a lot of huge egos but realized mine was bigger- Now the same celebs shed condolences via twitter- Cus I'm addicted to crack and thats why I'm slimmer- I cry on the inside cus I realize that i am not a winner- No more meeting millionaires at the spot for dinner- It got so grimmer no more friends & i would loose my peers- When that day came and my attitude was fear- plus my mood was weird when I chose to steer- towards suicide just to see who would be reduced to tears- When I hung myself with the microphone that I used for years- |
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The Law
Site Moderator
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 26 January 2015 at 12:05am |
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Battler 11 High School Janitor Lately I've been tired of my life as a janitor I let my life waste away, what didn't I plan it for? I remember tellin mom and dad I'd be the man for sure But now I'm working late, get barely paid for demanding work Damn these kids, cuz they know I gotta work hard Still they trash the place and act like the schools a court yard Always doin dumb shit while I'm watching, I support y'all Cuz I wanna see you end up like me, or have a worse job The only good thing, is the teen girls with the fine ass All janitors have school girl fantasies, we're just like that We'd never go pursue them tho, cuz honestly they might laugh Or cry out and scream and alert the school that I'm mad What I'm saying is, the janitors are frowned upon But im always watching, fully aware of the ground im on Criminal activities take place, I just scout and watch But never spill the beans cuz I'd hate to see a scholar rot I heard talk of a murder, soon a student was killed The hallways roared with tears, then the rumors apeared Only a few kids knew, but the murderer attends the school As a janitor, I hear everything, but pretend its cool Police question students, the investigation spreads through months I thought for sure they'd find the guy by now and the end would come I guess the kids are scared to rat him out, maybe the mans their bud' I just don't see why these stupid kids here would let him run I guess im a coward too, I won't step forth and state the truth They probly wouldn't take me for my word, their ungrateful too I've tried to help the school before, my statements always heard and tossed I just laugh as I hear about how they have searched a lot They say they've asked the whole school, no one seems to know a thing I don't see police around my cleaning, their not scoping me I know the man who did it, and he goes here I can prove my facts He's old, bald, and mops the floors daily as the students pass They never even brought me in for questions, I can only wait No one expects the janitor to be the one to close the case... |
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Shankley
Superior Member 
Joined: 03 September 2013 Location: Leeds, England Status: Offline Points: 3369 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 37-43-1 Form: WNLWWL |
Posted: 26 January 2015 at 2:49am |
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Battler 6: This was a nice verse bro, had great flow throughout. You had some nice rhymes and internals which helped the flow as well. Your Multis were great also it gave it a more polished feel to it. The dashes at the end of each line in some ways weren't needed as people tend to read the next line and the last line but some ways were needed it helped the reader to know that just because it is the end of the line, it's not the end of the line... if ya know what I mean. You had a good take on the topic which was entertaining and kept the reader wanting to read the next line. It was a good verse very well done.
Battler 11: This was a good verse as well. It started off a bit slow but you soon picked up the pace and was awesome towards the end. You really got into the mindset of the Janitor how he's not too happy with his lot the only up side is the bits of ass he sees. The storyline was good like I said the intro was slow at getting going but as the story progressed it became a lot more engaging and really drew in the reader and that ending though. It was a great twist nicely worded. A tough choice here, two really great verses. Both had strong points and both had short comings. Imma go with the one I enjoyed reading the most, like I said a tough choice but... MVGT Battler 11 |
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nomedic
Standard Member 
Joined: 11 January 2014 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 1578 Crew: Hunger Games Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 35-25-0 Form: WWLLWL |
Posted: 26 January 2015 at 4:46am |
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close battle guys top notch verses for sure
battlers 6 cool take on your topic I liked the flow you had your verse made it easy for words to roll off the tongue your story progressed really well your plot was clean and the end schemes and some of the internals were clean and liked the ending as well battler 11 you also had a plot that was put together really well the janitor who would want others to fail because he is a failure that was okay and how you gave away the killer pretty descriptive stuff your flow was also solid and the schemes as as well really tough one to give a verdict on cause I felt both writers came with their A-game but I'll go with battler 6 for slightly edging the flow department |
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member
Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
Posted: 26 January 2015 at 5:09pm |
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Battler 6 - An interesting topic was given to you. I think first & foremost what stood out was the 3 part multi-syllable rhymes that you used that really did a positive on your flow & delivery. The content was pretty solid, putting yourself as the icon who had it all & and then crumble to the luxuries. Drugs etc. Displaying the stuff you lost, also illustrated what you had. It kind of killed two birds with one stone which, to me, was successfully done. Leading into the demise of the character by suicide by hanging with the mic he used to host with just made this piece come full circle.
Battler 11 - I think you had a really good topic to work with. You definitely could've ran with this more. You started off by saying how you let your life slip away & how you ended up in that dead end job, which I got the sense of, you really hate. You gave your character a creepiness as far as scheming on the high school girls etc. The janitor knows all of the hidden secrets of the school. I just wish, the story was given more depth. Who died, how they died, what the scene looked like. How you actually committed the murder. It had great components & ideas, just the execution could've been more thorough. MVGT - Battler 6
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DressToKill
Superior Member
Joined: 27 June 2006 Location: Canada,New Brunswick Status: Offline Points: 6876 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 78-62-0 Form: LLWWWL |
Posted: 27 January 2015 at 2:19am |
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Battler 6 - rhyming was on fucking point, I mean multies were coming out left and right. The opening 8 lines were my favourite by far, great job stringing together those bars. From the storytelling standpoint, I felt like you started off pretty strong, his uprising really set the tone for a big fall. I felt like you did a good job of describing his life slipping away from him, it's something that we've seen in real life so it's easier to visualize. The twist at the end was nice but I felt like it ended a bit quickly, I wish you would of set that scene a little better then hammer home the microphone bit. Overall strong verse, just could of been touched up a bit.
Battler 11 - I really liked your flow, I felt like you described the life of a janitor pretty well. I mean who the fuck wouldn't been disappointed that they amounted to mopping floors for a living. You weren't as lyrically complex as your opponent but I found your rhyming was a bit cleaner because of it. The kid getting murdered was a good plot but making it him in the end was a bit predictable..I just wish that you would if shocked us a bit more with the twist. Overall the verse was cleanly written but I felt there could of been more depth. Vote battler 6 |
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The original comeback kid
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Dono
Newbie 
Joined: 03 January 2015 Status: Offline Points: 14 |
Posted: 27 January 2015 at 5:47pm |
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Battler 6: Technically I felt like this was a pretty sound piece. The multis and schemes were on point and very well done. The issues I had all came in the content itself. I didn't feel a deep connection to the story, there was nothing that really drew me in and made it ring on a personal level. It seemed like a very cut and dry story. Guy works his way to the top, the success makes him do wild things, he crashes and commits suicide. I just wasn't very intrigued, I like a little more surprise in my narratives.
Battler 11: I thought this was written in a pretty straightforward way, nothing fancy, but nothing bad either on the technical side. The voice you used was interesting, using a janitor that didn't seem especially uneducated. I liked the twist you threw in there, but I think you focused more on the background of the janitor than the motive, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but a motive or more details on the murder itself would have been cool. Maybe tie in his high school girl creeping, bring all the details full circle. In a story as short as this every line should tie in and drive the narrative. I thought 6 had the better technical aspects but if I'm being honest I liked 11's story better. MVTG: 11 |
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Zinaii
Standard Member
Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 2957 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-27-10 Form: WLNNNL |
Posted: 29 January 2015 at 4:37pm |
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Not a bad story here bro, the pitfalls of being a celebrity. I felt that he always wanted to be a celebrity but the things that came with it ruined him which u did a good job of portraying. Flow wise it was on and off but when it was on u killed it. By off I mean it was a word off or one word over; nothing that really hinders the verse but I'm being picky BC its a tournament. Thought u may have played it safe with the angle you took, personally I would have liked to see a little more unpredictable direction but that's just personal preference. It was definently an entertaining verse none the less. Flow wise and story wise the second half of the verse was better then the first IMO. So good shit bro.
Janitor was a dope story to. I loved the twist at the end that really set it off for me. The story telling was good, u personified being a janitor in a believable way; I would think that's exactly how janitors think. Flow wise it wasnt as good as the tv hosts but i think you were more consistent throughout the verse in terms of flow. You didnt overcomplicate the story and kept it simple which I enjoyed. If I had to be picky (and I have to) I would have liked to know a little bit more about who he killed and why like what exactly made he want to do that. Overall this may be the closest battle I've read. The TV host had more complex rhyming and took a safer approach to his topic. While the janitor had a simpler more straight forward flow and went completely left field in his story. Both were awesome stories so its gonna come down to who I enjoyed reading more. And after rereading both verse twice the TV host edges this one out. It literally could have went either way. Dope ass battle y'all |
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Brotha Goose
Standard Member
Joined: 07 July 2013 Location: San Diego, CA Status: Offline Points: 2318 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 10-10-0 Form: LWLWLL |
Posted: 30 January 2015 at 11:24pm |
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Battler 6:
Really enjoyed this verse. Multis and internals were on point and the flow was pretty fluid throughout. Really enjoyed how you went from good to bad, imo you told a good story and didn't leave me wondering where the hell it was going. Some of your bars drug on a bit, but that didn't seem to slow the flow. Overall, this was an entertaining and we'll written verse. Battler 11: I enjoyed the story a lot, you did a great job of thinking outside the box and coming up with an original story line. Your rhyme scheme seemed to jump around from basic to average though. No hate here, but imo you could of come a little bit harder as far as scheme and flow are concerned. Some of your Multis were a bit off and your barz just weren't on the same level as battler 6. MVGT battler 6, his rhymes, structure and overall verse was just better. His Multis were nice, internals were present in some spots and his flow was on point for the most part. Both stories were well thought out and executed well, but I think battler 6 takes this due to his more technically sound verse. |
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The Law
Site Moderator
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 31 January 2015 at 3:23pm |
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5-2 Battler 6 wins and moves on to the next round.
Verses may not be placed in the OM section until the end of the tournament
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