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The Law
Site Moderator
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 ![]() Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Topic: IC Round 1: Battler 7 vs Battler 10Posted: 17 January 2015 at 3:59am |
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Identity Crisis: Round 1
- 30-40 Lines 3-0KO or First to 5 - Battlers will be anonymous - Votes will be hidden - Sunday January 25th, Midnight GMT time Check your time here If you reveal who you are to someone and I find out, you are immediately disqualified. If you don't vote and end up winning the tournament, money will be taken off the prize. Voting rules: Votes will be hidden and need to be approved my a moderator. Please vote in the thread, and it will be revealed at the end of the battle. (Don't PM them) Voters must have 250 posts to vote (I think there was a couple shady votes last round) Battler 7 Career: Newscaster Battler 10 Career: Professional Painter |
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The Law
Site Moderator
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 ![]() Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 26 January 2015 at 12:06am |
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Batter 7 Newcaster No Show
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The Law
Site Moderator
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 ![]() Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 26 January 2015 at 12:07am |
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Battler 10 Professional Painter I visualise being compared to the best The old master but keeping it fresh Matisse, Warhol and Damien Hirst Just some of the painters that I prefer But me I'm more of a painter of still life Picked myself and stilled with a steel knife Any marks caused by the way I harvest Can quickly be erased with the hand of the artist There is no particular person I go for It's just an inner beauty that I look to Once I pin-point my muse I set about acquiring I'm the guy to keep smiling when I stick the knife in When I have the subject of my current piece There is a certain look I try an achieve I tried to use their blood without success It curdled and became a gelatinous mess Had to settle for the most crimson red I could find Because it will always be blood in my mind I've made numerous pieces they're well received The people who think it's fiction have been deceived A lasting legacy of my own strand of art Incomparable, they simply stand apart I'm the best there was or is or ever will be Ideas for my next piece forever fill me I use various body fluids to gain the right shade Like when I paint a picture of how the eyes made The human body has always been my inspiration It where I start to blossom my creations The savagery I capture on canvas so elegantly The strength to break a neck but paint so delicately This is my vocation God made it my destiny In every piece I make I give the best of me Evade the police Jack the Ripper is no-one next to me I'll carry it to my grave they're never arresting me |
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The Law
Site Moderator
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 ![]() Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 26 January 2015 at 12:08am |
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Win goes to battler 10
Do Not Post In Open Mic Section until tournament is over. Please leave this writer some feedback, I will approve them all as they come and it will be closed at the end of the round.
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Cuba
Senior Moderator
Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12332 ![]() Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
Posted: 03 February 2015 at 8:52pm |
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Looks like this is the only one left open that I haven't voted on...
Battler 7 - you need to be prompt with that news bro, can't leave shit hanging on the airwaves. It's a 24 hour news world now...Murdoch won't be happy!! But seriously, 10, I kind of like the way you tried to spin this...but I think the "professional" painter part sounds like someone who paints houses and junk rather than an artist. So just be careful as if this was me voting for real then I'd be saying things like "not sure you were quite on topic" and that can be quite damaging when it comes to deciding who progresses, at least in my eyes. I also think that while you had a good idea you could've been a bit more subtle with how you let the idea roll out, with something that is as potentially as shocking a twist as that you want to be more delicate in the way you introduce it...maximise that shock factor. I also think you kind of didn't really develop it as an idea as you could've done, you could've taken it a bit further. Could've been a bit better thought out, felt a bit like you had a good idea for a twist but not as much where to go with it or what to do with it. Try and give that a bit more thought next time too. In terms of rhyme structure/style,I thought this was ok...could've been a bit more fluid, positive was you had a naturally short line setup...but you just need to be careful that you make it crisp and sharp with your content otherwise it can feel a little hollow. In terms of rhyming, it was fairly simple, which isn't a terrible thing but it doesn't help that hollow feeling...especially when the depth of the story is lacking a bit. All that said, I actually did enjoy reading it...I thought you did a good job, just think that with some refinement and a bit more forethought you could've had a really strong drop here. Good effort. |
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Zinaii
Standard Member
Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 2957 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-27-10 Form: WLNNNL |
Posted: 04 February 2015 at 10:03pm |
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This was one was tough for me. I understand you were going a different angle here but I think you got a little too off topic. The direction of the story of the story didnt work for me; had the other guy shown up and did his story I think it would have hurt you just because we were expecting a professional painter this is more like a self cutter who sees it as art. Flow wise it was cool, nothing spectacular; I would add some more things like multi's and inners to spice it up. Next round try to make an entire story out of your topic, with a beginning middle climax and an end. My favorite line would probably be the gelatinous mess one, I thought that was a descriptive word to describe bloodshed; But props for this and good luck next round bro
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