Identity Crisis 2: IC2 Round One: Battler 1 vs Battler 32 - 32 WINS

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Battler 1

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Battler 1


Hyper-Reality

beautiful baby born safely and swarmed with support,
daily doses of devotion poured playfully and painlessly
performed, grown gainfully and graciously grew form,
forged fierce fellowships faithfully and aimlessly adorned
assiduity and ambition, acquisitioned an admission,
attended an audition to the academy of Ancient Traditions,
discovering a difference and delivering a deliverance
to others while observing operations of oviparous

cognitive dissonance clicks, "what is this shit?", falsely thinking it was true,
indoctrinated and propagated, before birth we were tinkered with and skewed
personal insights removed, unnaturally hatched in eggs, mass index
designed in depth, before life was blessed and before we could catch our breath
we died, the cracks came next in the fabrication of reality, it crashed in secs
execs amongst insects, realization as truth infects the subject of experiments
used, to be kept in check, time was mindlessly spent following, wallowing in sorrow,
begging for a less hollow tomorrow to follow, plans for a sharp blow were penned
to crumble the foundations of this utopian society and its propriety,
dropped so minds of men no longer faced regulation of a nation's piety,

(liked the flow via multi word in the intro and throughout this segment ,plus the details
made the imagery quite vivid,I also liked the concept you used of nurturing,even down
to the eggs part, my guess at this point is the altering of genetics,due to the tinkering
and shit you described,coupled with mentions of a society in utopia,you seem to be
building this up nicely,plus your wording placements/choice is nice,they read real
natural and smooth,yeah so far so good..)

no longer forced to say things when lips were pressed; my wings were spread
now knowing that change exists, changed my existence to the activist they dread
I am the light that the bulb emits, once cracked my spirits amidst the people
no longer blind to evil we will storm cathedrals and steeples crushing weasels
who prevented us from becoming equals by poking and prodding embryos with needles,
upheaval of the deceitful and feeble, committing actions illegal and lethal,

only by witnessing bloodshed could these peaceful plebeians become fearful...
...so I set forth...

one's soul retrieval, only to be done by rituals of a medieval death
knife to the chest and a blade decapitating the head, the guillotine was set,
but before I could exploit their weaknesses they found their strength and flexed,
what happened next I didn't expect, before I was giving my flesh at the capital's steps,
they found me in a back alley, shot me dead in the head for being a threat,
Spread word I had left/out visiting friends, preventing the effect of death
by controlling events, hiding the truth by abolishing Cognitive Dissonance

(the kind of mirror rhyming at the start of this segment was a nice angle i thought,it
had past and present read due to again the wording here,little details like that often
get overlooked,but in essence it count for a lot in the contribution to a verse on the whole,this piece in a way reminds of a movie/film called Blade Runner,where society creates,then the creation wants to be equals and set about making it happen,anyways
i find this Piece creative in that aspect along with the wording and depiction,I found
this verse to be in the vein of ying & yang,creator/creation,good/evil,life/death and so
forth,overall your offering here was solid..)





Battler 32

Hi,

What I do and what I’ve done, I’m being vague of on purpose
Since knowing that may change the way you take me in person

Still,
An intro is compulsory, let’s get this over quick as flashes,
Handing you the brushes, you can paint while I deliver facts
Famous since an enfant, stained me different, didn’t interact
Was highly sensitive. My memory would grip and stash
Rapid learner, people often praised me for my written hand
I told them it’s my focus and I chose it over physics, math,
Or scientific districts, with gifted kids I’m a bit advanced
This problem solver didn’t nap, that’s slippin. Get the picture yet?

What I didn’t tell them is directions given from a hidden phantom
Whispers mixed with chitter-chatter shift my drift at random
I cannot give my hand up as it’s helped me reach this echelon
Fountain that’s been weeping, I’ve drown too deep to crest the top

Take a breath and stop cause the beginning of the end’s among us
Adolescent years when the black appears and death is summoned
The day it all changed: when one of them requested something
Felt familiar feelings, it’s efforts affect my facial features
Meaning in his words, didn’t need to say, my brain had reached it

(liking the start here,especially the part about giving paint brushes for the reader to
form an opinion as such was a nice inclusion,and offering participation counts for a
lot in drawing a reader in too,plus this segment as of yet gives the impression that
there's trouble brewing,like the character is a pawn in the grand scheme of what's to
come,plus this piece has a vibe of being direct and straight into it with no fussing,
a good start with sprite..)

He had asked if I’d trade the secrets kept... to one day teach a test
Now that’s a loaded question.. I toke, I think, and proceed with yes.
He waits a wholesome second then bombarded me with fright
Like the cackles of hyenas with the carcasses in sight
He’s shattering ideas that I’d guarded all my life
Now I’m brandishing the freedom of a sharp and focused mind
Religion? It was started to divide and to chain
Televisions pacifying your desire for change
The entire school system just designs us as slaves
We’re fueled, but our fire and our life is contained
My mood has switched, new existence spiraled in an angels clutch

He grounds me and removes the lust and said “Well, I gave my trust,
But it’s time to pay the debt, and to pay, you must!”
Flames erupt and things look dangerous but they soon fade, look up,
He cloned me, let the duplicate ascend up, then he fades to dust

I wake up humbled, rub some rubble from the crease of my eye
Then remembered that prologues also needed, it’s nice
He left me one last message, said to study it, to see what hides
I’m fascinated with this captive statement and I squeeze it tight

“It’s better to blast the beacon, glass eruption feeds the sky
Then being trapped in an idea till you suffocate and die.”

Bye.

(I like this segment better than the 1st to be honest,firstly there's more depth to it and
the general flow is tighter also,then there's the contents,you had some good flashes of
society that for most part I agree with,and it exist in this world now,schooling/Religion
/TV,this is thought provoking in itself really and the simile about the laughing hyenas
was good as it stuck out,I also get the character is being manipulated and controlled
by some external force/being with a dark nature,and that ending with its words of
wisdom was quite clever,I liked the angle you came with in relation to the picture,an
enjoyable solid read I thought..)


Overall solid drops by both that gave me enjoyment on reading,i liked both angles with
which they were displayed,but there has to be a winner right?,happily as well as sadly
for the other person there was,for me it was Battler 1,here my reasoning,he had the
deeper take on the insert out the 2,he also gave me jog in memory of a film I liked with
their concept,and I read just that bit more polished on the whole,and it was only theses
differences that separated you both,props to both on a hard to call tussle.

Vote... Battler 1..peace.

This vote has been accepted by a moderator.

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Honestly I'd rather be kicked in the nuts then have to choose between these two vereses, but sadly 'tis the way of the beast...


Battler#1:

Let me start off by saying WOW! The overall mechanics of your verse are awesome, I truly love what you did here. That being said, it is my opinion that although your flow, composition and rhyme schemes were superior and altogether technically sound the complexity of it all far overshadowed the topical aspect of the verse. What I mean is instead of becoming fully emersed and lost within the story I became lost and emersed in the rhymes and alteration. If this were any other form of competition that would be just fine, but this is a topical picture battle and IMO it should have been the other way around. Regardless of all that you did an absolutely amazing job here.

-The first 8 lines were in it of themselves were quotable, fucking fire!


"Used, to be kept in check, time was mindlessly spent following, wallowing in sorrow,

begging for a less hollow tomorrow to follow, plans for a sharp blow were penned,

to crumble the foundations of this utopian society and its propriety,

dropped so minds of men no longer faced regulation of a nation's piety,

no longer forced to say things when lips were pressed; my wings were spread..."
-Loved this bit here

Dope fucking verse through and through, well done.


Battler#32:

Another well written and technically sound verse, but your verse has more of the one thing that, IMO, battler#1's verse is short of and that's a more emersive and complete story line.

This section really stood out to me on a whole other level of real world shit:

"Religion? It was started to divide and to chain,

Televisions pacifying your desire for change,

The entire school system just designs us as slaves,

We’re fueled, but our fire and our life is contained..." -#RealTalk

Story, composition, rhyme scheme all top notch.


MVGT...Battler#32 by a cunt hair. Like I had said earlier both verses are absolutely incredible, but it is my opinion that the overall complexity of Battler#1's verse takes away from the story and being as this is a topical picture battle the story is important to me. Maximum effort put forth by the both of you, we'll done!

And as always, stay classy LA.
-BG