Identity Crisis 2: IC2 Round One: Battler 11 vs Battler 22 - 11 WINS

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This vote has been accepted by a moderator.

Battler 11

"No Fire Flies In Jars"

I wanted to be a kid, riding bikes catching fire flies in jars-

but he made me cry so hard, that liar now my mind is scarred-

Every night before he came home I was already scared-

As I am well aware & prepared for his deadly stare-

Quivering under my bed with my tear soaked teddy bear-

And in a few moments it was time as the fire unraveled-

Heard him coming up the driveway as his tires spit gravel-

Tired & baffled as to how he can have my soul entirely trampled-

I heard the screen door slam as he twisted the whisky top-

He lifted & sipped a shot , finished it then sniffed a pop-

Heard the work boots at my door & quickly he picked the lock-

He entered while giggling as he whispered my name-

I could hear his work keys jingling as he insisted on pain-

the next noise imprinted my brain as he unbuckled his belt-

Guess I'm gettin' whipped cus all his knuckles have welts-

I felt him grip my ankles as I screamed with my nails on the floor-

He yanked me from under the bed & screamed "You frail little whore"-

"You think this trailer is yours" as he repeatedly whipped me demeaningly-

He covered my eyes and sat me down as if he defeated me-

Bro… the multis just string this along so nicely. Very smooth writing style and I like your descriptions. That tear soaked teddy bear, and the tires spit gravel is dope, especially the gravel part, I could invision it as he pulled in. flow wise this is on point those multis are just fresh and abundant. I like how you ended this first part with her essentially defeated and seems almost dead from the abuse he just laid down on her. The nails on the floor, frail little whore was nice multis, love the last couplet on this part as well.

16 burns later...

I could smell the stench of flesh from every cigarette burn-

Made me believe these were all gifts that I earned-

As my mom witnessed but dismissed her concerns-

A game he always won, never missing a turn-

This was the shit that I learned, in every inch of my nerves-

Or inappropriate kiss I endured, or inexplicable bliss that occurred-

I was finally alone as I could smell the ash that circled my wounds-

this merciless doom, I could still see the smoke that lurked in my room-

Didn't sleep that night as I waited for him to leave before dawn-

I know he thinks hes the king and he believes I'm his pawn-

So when he left I rolled up  the sleeves on my arms-

As I was conceiving this harm, but for the "silent queen"-

I can't wait to go into her room and indulge in her violent screams-

Try to lie to me? You turned your back on your abused daughter-

Now Ima hit YOU harder, for actin' like I was some confused martyr-

Now who's smarter, as I grab the sharpest knife from the counter-

Sneak in her room as I pounce and try to just mount her-

She reversed me as we both fell to the side of the bed-

Next thing I know is I have a pistol outlining my head-

We were both frozen as my mom stepped on the knife-

She squeezed the trigger & said "no more pain for the rest of your life"-

Well hot damn, this escalated and turned. I did not see this happeneing, I wasn’t even sure there was a mother in the picture. She was introduced rather abruptly, but for the limited amount of space it was very clean and well done. I like the twist of the story and how essentially the mom doesn’t stop the father from harming the daughter, then the daughter takes it out on the mother. Shit escalated very quick at the end and you almost feel as if they mother truly thinks she did what was best for the shild when she shoots her to put her out of her misery. Nice job here man. I think I know who wrote this, very dope storytelling, this is the smoothest piece ive read from the entries.

Over all you had nice mutlis, nice transitional rhymes, good end rhymes, a nice vocabulary and an amazing story. I do feel as if you eased up a bit with the mutlis in the second hald, they weren’t or didn’t feel as abundant as the first half, but still strung along the story very well.