Open Mic: Illusion [KOTM]

"Illusion"

On one hand
It's a vast expanse.
Happy eyes fixated, like some massive trance
A sigh of relief.
Defying defeat - roots re-established? with a clasping of hands?

On the other,
A disjointed dystopia. Portrait of a single phobia
Death’s brush bolstering the cerulean sky
Reddish hue became the lesser’s tune;
Perhaps the views in their eyes?

Right and wrong’s drawn in delicate strokes
Pastel paintings
Sketches of excellence and trails of hope
Yet, contingent on perspectives
Right and wrong is suffering a delicate stroke
The past tells;
Painting sketchy, pixelated entrails of hope

Over the hill, the sound of the trumpet was heard
While victory for some,
In a civil war, the single victim is earth.
A torch is pass
Whether to light the dark or scorch it's denizens first.
Only time will tell...









Edited by Sammy - 09 November 2016 at 5:03pm

thanks alot crimsons. always a joy reading ur feedback. you were pretty spot on most the way through and i can see why you'd say the main theme was mother earth due to my poor choice of word selection. the verse was actually about the election. the last stanza alluded to it, albeit, subtly. but u've perfectly picked up on dichotomous aspect of the verse. shows that you've really read the verse. thanks again, sir. 

Edited by Sammy - 10 November 2016 at 10:23pm

A master @ work.
I'm not sure whether I'm interpreting everything correctly or not, but that's what it makes iller in a way.

The rhyme pattern of the opening was on point and the dystopia stanza was crazy.
I wrote my submission before reading yours 'cause I didn't want to be inspired by your lines. I knew you would deliver.

On one hand
It's a vast expanse.
Happy eyes fixated, like some massive trance
A sigh of relief.
Defying defeat - roots re-established? with a clasping of hands?Nice opening section, would've liked it to end on clasping hands to match the multi but still flows sweet

On the other,
A disjointed dystopia. Portrait of a single phobia
Death’s brush bolstering the cerulean sky
Reddish hue became the lesser’s tune;
Perhaps the views in their eyes? Nicely put together, cool imagery.

Right and wrong’s drawn in delicate strokes
Pastel paintings
Sketches of excellence and trails of hopeDopeness

Yet, contingent on perspectives
Right and wrong is suffering a delicate stroke
The past tells;
Painting sketchy, pixelated entrails of hope

Dope mirroring of the first part bro

Over the hill, the sound of the trumpet was heard
While victory for some,
In a civil war, the single victim is earth. Prob my favourite part here, the tie ins doe..

A torch is pass
Whether to light the dark or scorch it's denizens first.
Only time will tell...
Great piece, great execution. The tone throughout was strong, imagery on point. I enjoyed this read, it was left open enough to interpretation which was nice while i personally loved the election vibes it was giving off. I hadn't read this before i wrote mine, i think we went in a similar direction in our own ways. Strong contender as everyone has said. Keep up the good work. Always love reading your feedback as well dude i cant do it justice.

Bro...

Is this even a topical? lol. No, seriously. I read your pieces and it's like reading fine literature...that just so happens to fuckin flow! It's just crazy to me.

I mean, the way you put this piece together was like a fusion of spoken word intertwined with new age philosophy. On the surface it's impressive...it's rhythm and it's pacing... but digging deeper it's even more impressive as it offers much nutritious content to digest and breakdown. Coded, but potent in your approach to the topic.

Technique-wise, this was just dope. Especially, your word selection and placement. I've literally read this piece multiple times already and with each read I find something new to appreciate.

Really strong submission, fam!

Props...

Just working my way thru this months entries,
So many cool reads
Really seeing how versatile LA Is with the Range this month
This was dope bruv, never seen your stuff before...been on a years vacation....
I won't lie though bruv....it's like you say cerulean and I say blue!
Don't mean I can't appreciate a dope rhyme scheme.... opening four just blew me away and set the scene for an extremely enjoyable read
But let me do me for a minute bro and be real to me, i see people dig but for me lines like
(Pixelated entrails of hope) is lost..?
@wtf
Please don't think me ignoramus fam, I mean no offence
Respect

spume corrupt wrote: J But let me do me for a minute bro and be real to me, i see people dig but for me lines like (Pixelated entrails of hope) is lost..? @wtf Please don't think me ignoramus fam, I mean no offence Respect