|
Post Reply 
|
| Author |
Rating:   Topic Search  Topic Options
|
Scotty32 
Site Owner 
Speaker of Wisdom & Truth Joined: 18 October 2003 Location: North West, UK Status: Offline Points: 10491 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-4-0 Form: WLLWLL |
 Topic: [Final] Point Blank vs ExoduztPosted: 07 July 2014 at 9:37pm |
|
Rules Unlimited Lines Best out of 5 Deadline: 15th July 2014 at 8:00pm BST (GMT + 1)Extension: 18th July 2014 at 8:00pm BST (GMT + 1) Blind Drops, Verses PM'd to me. Crew Votes NOT Allowed Previous Participant Voting Allowed Topic Your opponent will pick 5 random words. You can choose as many or as few of these words as you like, these will make up your topic. You must place the words you picked clearly before your verse. Make sure you don't pick stupid or shit words, if you do I'll just replace it. You must send the 5 words for your opponent to me via PM before the 9th July. Edited by Scotty32 - 16 July 2014 at 10:18am |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
Scotty32
Site Owner
Speaker of Wisdom & Truth Joined: 18 October 2003 Location: North West, UK Status: Offline Points: 10491 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-4-0 Form: WLLWLL |
Posted: 09 July 2014 at 9:23pm |
|
Point Blank's Random Words
Antiquated, Energy, Decreasing, Catholicity and Metallic Exoduzt's Random Words Technology, Knowledge, Sport, Suppressed and Fear |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Scotty32
Site Owner
Speaker of Wisdom & Truth Joined: 18 October 2003 Location: North West, UK Status: Offline Points: 10491 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-4-0 Form: WLLWLL |
Posted: 19 July 2014 at 10:35am |
|
Point Blank:
Energy was the word I chose Energy - the source of life for creatures great or small in size Everything thats born will rise until the day it falls and dies The golden sun to most is deemed a gorgeous sight, a pure delight Adorning skies with all it's might, fuelling lives from dawn till night Yet polar bears are mortified by solar glares that warm the ice No-one hears their haunting cries - their homes impaired before their eyes But fear not as overseeing Lords of Time enforce the cycles Redistributing energy forever to ensure survival Their laws are final, although these days its not unusual For us to not acknowledge that our behaviours are unsuitable Money chasing companies will claim they're not delusional Tryna sustain the non-renewable as they deface what once was beautiful Fossil fuels give way to smoke - Earth's aging throat will shake and choke Earthquakes are breaking Asian's homes and they've no safer place to go Sailing boats vacate to Ocean's where waves evoke a swaying motion Struggling to stay afloat with sunken and dismayed emotions The perils of population growth pre-empted by the ancient quotes In older days they spoke and said we'd destroy the planet but lets pray we don't So let's build more solar panels to catch the last remaining rays of hope As we've still got time to make an oath to change our ways and save the globe |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Scotty32
Site Owner
Speaker of Wisdom & Truth Joined: 18 October 2003 Location: North West, UK Status: Offline Points: 10491 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-4-0 Form: WLLWLL |
Posted: 19 July 2014 at 10:36am |
|
Exoduzt:
"Crying the nights away" sport, technology, knowledge, suppressed, fear SPORT... All my life I had to play a good sport when it came to my father... Wish mom would have chose to abort he would go insane when he's bothered... Unless of course there was cocaine and it came with a lager... His temper raised as if he couldn't have been trained to get hotter... Painfully somber is how my sister tried to play all his little games... like when he'd sneak in her room at night & push up on her brittle frame... her withered brain so still & strained along with her heart and emotion... Mom would pretend not to care and was way too scared to start a commotion... It was like we were hopelessly floating in the deepest part of the ocean... and the shark was just poking his nose leaving marks on his targets he goes... To the largest and darkest part of his soul so he tortures us... contortin' trust with an assortment of hatred spews & naked views of course it was... unbearable but my fort was just, in the back jus a mere hole that I dug... Me and my sis would hide in it & it was her soul that I hugged... So bold with the love I'd hold her so tight I could feel her crippling pain... We both gripped in the rain crying from this despicable shame... Cant believe we are both good sports in our fathers unwinnable game... TECHNOLOGY/KNOWLEDGE... We became older and could feel us gettin' closer to our caskets entry... We realized with real cries every time we saw that his glass was empty... I feel so damned it tempts me, to finally try and resolve this problem... cus theres a revolving throbbin' in my head should I make a call & stop him?... I decided to use the internet to intercept his rapes and beatings... To find some intellect with some depth to make us believe in... some hope for us he's choking us maybe we could take up a meeting... With this doctor Jefferey Proctor which indicates a freeing... of my mind & father and his evil condition of fast hate... like don't hit in the face cus it would raise suspicion of class mates... then I heard a glass break it shattered against the wall rite next to me.... he saw the screen went after me & abused my sister sexually... Mentally that night I lay in my bed badly bruised and beaten... physically it didnt matter but the echoes in her room from screaming... shattered all my hopes & dreams of leaving, I can't cope by any means these demons... Made me brave I must save my sister from this torture and this evil being!... SUPPRESSED/FEAR... The next few days I kept my feelings suppressed... Feeling so stressed of what I'm bout to do in dealing with death... keeping my neck slightly above water but I feel it deep in my chest... releasing a breathe is not an option as I freely respect... my only way to end this by releasing the beast of a secret he kept... He kept it in the garage somewhere next to the lawn mower... I know thats hes the king and like chess the pawns slower... but I grew some broad shoulders and thick skin as I find the gun to end it... I sneak back in the house and think its finally done I crept in... slowly steppin up the stairs and when I hit the room I went in... Pointed the gun and thought am I making a drastic mistake... am I acting in hate or practically makin a statement thats just tragic & late... I squeeze the trigger and just actually blasted the face... of my little sister as I cant move just standing in place... I manage to break the shock and realize she has nothing left to fear... as I raise the gun once more & let the barrel gently caress my ear... Now finally my night ends and for once It never left in tears... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
nomedic
Standard Member 
Joined: 11 January 2014 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 1578 Crew: Hunger Games Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 35-25-0 Form: WWLLWL |
Posted: 21 July 2014 at 2:19am |
|
Point blank
Your approach was interesting this was a sick verse the four opening bars had a very smooth flow great set of multis and a great display of descriptive rhymes You were able to paint relevent issues that fall under your topic Like global warming and liked how your emotion had variety 'Yet polar bears are mortified by solar glares that warm the ice No-one hears their haunting cries - their homes impaired before their eyes' I felt as this was funny and sad simultaneously The transitional bar may have slightly stretched your flow but content made up for it how you described how companies deface earth was a vivid picture I thought the content got even stronger when you touched on natural disasters and the manner in which you introduced it was good it was plotted in a good order sort of chronologically you even brought up the Ancient prophecies of earths fall And an effective closer the imagery was interesting the ray of hope Idea was nice over all this was a great verse it had alot of truth and Had great content Exo Your take on sport was unorthodox but you made it work the introduction of four characters and the emotional contrasts between them was superb Technology and knowledge were the intro to the fear closer Which shows how creative you are Think how you took technology and knowledge was very effective and the story telling and plot was so solid you would swear its a true story My favourite was the twist cause i thought the son would want to kill the dad but does the opposite this was a classic Mvgt EXO he put in more angles and twists more creativity more depth to his work PB was great but EX took this one |
|
|
|
|
Freeda5thDawg
Standard Member
Joined: 19 June 2006 Status: Offline Points: 1324 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-1-0 Form: WWWLWW |
Posted: 21 July 2014 at 3:57am |
|
Point Blank: Beautiful verse. I mean, for what you shared, you really packed in a lot of ideas and touched on a variety of global issues and you did so with a wide range of multis and internal rhyming without at all straying from the content. You kept every detail relevant as the next one and no matter how the topic switched, they were all relative within one outcry of global salvation. Those last couple of lines is where you made your strongest impact. That solar panel play was amazing and probably the biggest highlight of the lyricism aside from the delivery of the polar bear couplet. You had a high level of delivery and lyricism and as much rap rhythm as there was, the vibe of the entire verse felt very poetic. It was an expansive verse for choosing only one word to go with so I commend you for that.
Exo: You used your style to your advantage. You seem to always have a keen ability of depicting a dark story with extremity and great emotion. That's what your entire piece felt like. To be able to have the reader feel as tense as the narration was is a skill you seem to have mastered becoming one of the elite topical writers. The way you utilized and incorporated all 5 words in your topical was both creative and clever. You did some indirectly and others directly. I think you lacked a little in your usual, more natural way of rhyming for some rhymes did seem as smooth or as significant. But the strongest area, which to me was the most important, was your story telling and story building. Piece by piece, the developments and emotional aspects and ending all came together to really complete a very intense and powerful topical. Look, I know many would probably compare the lengths of the two writers' works before anything else but I would never base it on that. There's a lot of power in Point's shorter topical. What it came down to me and what I thought were the greatest differences between the two was the more factual and informative approach of Blank's vs the more original (meaning his very story) and plot filled approach of Exo's piece. Don't get me wrong, cause I know Blank is very capable of writing a story of his own, but this verse is a more informative one for the most part covering common ideas and current event related, general issues. It's things that one can research on a general basis, not that I'm saying Point had to research but when comparing it to an original story Exo created and built off of, there's a different effect it has on me. Maybe it's the story Exo chose to go by that felt very personal and thus making it an intense and emotional read that effectively pulled the reader into that atmosphere. From a background beginning to a plot-twisted ending and everything else in between, along with the purpose of this battle in using the words you're supposed to use, I feel helped Exoduzt's topical get the edge over Point Blank's. In separate situations, however...these two works are beautiful and masterful. Awesome job to you both. Vote to Exoduzt.
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
Scotty32
Site Owner
Speaker of Wisdom & Truth Joined: 18 October 2003 Location: North West, UK Status: Offline Points: 10491 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-4-0 Form: WLLWLL |
Posted: 21 July 2014 at 10:16am |
|
Flame, Thanks for voting but I'm sorry I can't accept that. This is the final and should have better quality votes.
2-0 to Exo. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Shankley
Superior Member 
Joined: 03 September 2013 Location: Leeds, England Status: Offline Points: 3369 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 37-43-1 Form: WNLWWL |
Posted: 21 July 2014 at 4:27pm |
|
Excellent final guys... props.
Point: While you wrote a shorter verse it has a lot of excellent content and it also has great multis. Like freeda says you went for a more factual approach and did it with aplomb. I liked how you stated it off with nice multis and a good flow and then you went deeper into the topic. You had a nice rhyme scheme with some cool internals to keep the flow moving along. This section here I thought was a particular highlight the way you incorporated companies and renewable energy was nice. Money chasing companies will claim they're not delusional Tryna sustain the non-renewable as they deface what once was beautiful Fossil fuels give way to smoke - Earth's aging throat will shake and choke Earthquakes are breaking Asian's homes and they've no safer place to go You tackled alot of relevant issues in the world today in a very creative way and explained it in such a way anyone could understand. A very informative and creative verse. Exo: You took a completely different approach to the final and you did it as well as people would expect you would. You had an excellent rhyme scheme which you switch halfway through very smoothly and kept your flow very well. You chose three good words and you weaved an excellent story with them. Very creative and excellently put together. This was a very technically brilliant piece with a very intricate and creative rhyme structure. The second stanza was my favourite, it had insane multis and carried the story on as thogh you hadn't changed the focus word(s). It was hard to choose whuch part was my favourite from this section but I feel this epitomised how technically gifted piece this is. some hope for us he's choking us maybe we could take up a meeting... With this doctor Jefferey Proctor which indicates a freeing... of my mind & father and his evil condition of fast hate... like don't hit in the face cus it would raise suspicion of class mates... A brilliant piece of creative writing any writer would be proud to have produced. Overall one of the best topical battles I have read on here since I joined, I take my hat off to the two of you for capping an already good tournament with verses befitting any final. I'm goig to edge it to Exo, he just shaded Point on the technical side but only marginal I very much liked PBs verse but Exo took things to the next leel. MVGT Exoduzt |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Scotty32
Site Owner
Speaker of Wisdom & Truth Joined: 18 October 2003 Location: North West, UK Status: Offline Points: 10491 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-4-0 Form: WLLWLL |
Posted: 21 July 2014 at 4:52pm |
|
That's 3-0 to Exo.
Exo wins the tournament and will be facing Manc and Freeda in a triple threat at Bloodlines 2. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Post Reply
|
|
Tweet
|
| Forum Jump | Forum Permissions You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot create polls in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum |
|
